Chason Gordon

In an attempt to bring back an old tradition, I’m going going to give trick-or-treaters with their parents two options: You can take a delicious homemade popcorn ball I made myself, or these prepackaged candy cigarettes. My latest @Slate slate.com/life/2026/10/easy-…

Talk to a hostile European, and chances are they’ll say we just eat burgers stuffed with bacon folded into a pepperoni pizza, with wieners lining the crust. And sure I may have eaten that on Tuesday. And Thursday. But not every day. My latest @Slate slate.com/life/2026/07/ameri…

Rarely have I taken a warning sign on a truck more seriously. And not just because of the three exclamation points. This has Final Destination written all over it.

I'm not in the habit of exclaiming "Holy shit look at that sunflower!" but here we are. Though the balcony adds a bit of height. It looks like a banana republic despot addressing his subjects (in this case, other sunflowers).

I feel like the owner of Deluca's thought, "My pizza is great, so I'll put whatever the fuck I want on the walls." And it is. When you ask the waitresses about the portraits, they're like, "Uhhhh, those are just women the owner knows." Ok then.

This is how I respond now whenever someone says, "You reckon?" From Blood Meridian.

I like how the new apologetic Burger King ads act as though the problem was the king mascot. I liked that guy. The problem is the burgers taste like they were made out of his cardboard crown. youtu.be/tDZ6LzqDNZQ?si=hqPc…

Using 1990s-level graphic design to advertise a 2026 social media trend for a type of cake that's essentially existed for more than 100 years.

Long before Schwarzenegger pulled a shotgun out of a box of roses in Terminator 2, there was the confederate violin shotgun. At the @TheBryanMuseum

Was going for a walk and had a huge itch on my back and urgently ripped a tree branch off to scratch it. Which I'm pretty sure is how man evolved to use tools in the first place. But could be wrong.

More cafes need giant trees inside and dozens of Turkish lamps. At Zeugma Art Bites in Old Town Spring, Texas.

When you're getting a boat tour of Caddo Lake in Texas, don't ask the tour guide to take you to that time warp spot from the movie.

Was up too early this morning and went for a walk and saw a dog wearing sunglasses and a squirrel pulling sliced bread out of a bag like it was making toast and I was clearly not aware of animals' morning routines.

Sometimes when I go for a walk I see a bug on its back with its legs flailing in the air, and I know it'll probably die in that position, and always end up thinking, "Are you really any different?"

At the gym I go to, the 40 lb dumbbells went missing for weeks and then one day they were back and the 50 lb dumbbells were gone. The thief is clearly working their way up.

If you're thinking of starting a bean club, and using those two words in proximity to each other, watch out. My latest at @Slate yahoo.com/lifestyle/articles…

Star Drug Store in Galveston. They should turn more old pharmacies into diners. "Give me a burger and some Geritol," I said. "Got a case of tired blood."