pishi

so fucking lonely i cant tell anyone what im going through bc for some reason telling people you have an ed activates their brain to become disordered too and what business do i have telling my friends i starve myself bc i hate my body like thats embarrassing

i wish i died in my sleep

might start sh again lowkey smoking isnt enough to cope anymore

they dont tell you that an ed leaves you like this some nights

i should be able to continue my 4550cal per week until late november then i start eating at maintenance until i finish exams and come back from visiting my sister. unless running x3 a week makes me short circuit

theoretically i should be -2kg from past 2 weeks. I'll find a way to weight myself in like ~3 weeks

love omading my meal in a bottle it has 35g of protein and tastes like milkshake. i just sip it throughout the day

baffles me how most calorie apps and calculators dont let you go below a certain bmi when every influencer and singer and actor and their mother looks bmi 15

i want to be frail and actually look like it instead of feeling like it bc im starving

worst ana cant even do a 10 min jog

already strategizing how to eat when i go on a 2 day trip with friends in 2 weeks so they dont suspect anything. thinking i skip breakfast or eat a tiny portion if everyone does and whatever i order i dont finish and just say im full or dont have the appetite..

theoretically 5-6 more weeks of consistency to gw and if i see no results ill switch tactics ig

also my scale broke when i moved so ive not checked my weight in 4 months and i dont trust that shit either so my bmi and deficit is a mystery to me im just watching for results

been trying to convince myself none of this is serious and an ordinary person doesn't starve themselves to like their body but man this shit feels so unbelievably lonely

me when my bf picked me up and asked 'have you gotten lighter'

why do i yearn for my online friend when im with my bf in the flesh? i wake up in the middle of the night with my body giving up and screaming at me and the first person i think of is him and not my bf who's next to me. i want to die.

lowkey most consistent ive ever been(besides the steps, cant do that shit anymore) gonna fast tomorrow while busy in uni and hope I dont get a raging headache at night again

28h rawdogging fast no 0 cal drinks or gum just some water 11k steps 5h of sleep bleeding for over a week from contraceptive lost my tamagotchi shaking from the cold hand scarred and hurt from lighter and wringing hot water feeling helpless not being able to do anything for him

nah man im pathetic i actually started crying and it got worse when he noticed and started comforting me like he's the one in pain and i just make it about me for no reason