Full-time Dad / Full-time DJ

My dog is getting up there in age and as she’s gotten older she’s giving less fucks and while it’s annoying I gotta say I respect it. She just tore up a Portillos Beef wrapper from the trash, right in front of me, slowly. With no urgency. And then just left it like…”AND??” – at Glenview, IL

Djing a wedding and just played Isley Brothers “For The Love of You. Homie with a Bluetooth earpiece in on the dancefloor said: – at Chicago, IL

Lester Holt’s hairline is offensive – at Glenview, IL

Up at the park and one of my 6 y/o’s little homies just came up to me and said “Umm sometimes I have ribs for dinner” – at Glenview, IL

Just seen a black on black MAGA hat. They tryna be slick out here. – at Algonquin, IL

Just watched a video that mentioned Beastie Boys “Fight For Your Right” is a 40 YEAR OLD SONG. And well…fuck – at Glenview, IL

5 y/o just now: “Dad I farted again, and I smelled it, and it smelled HORRIBLE” – at Glenview, IL

Who in their right mind is out here eating the “Wagyu” beef from Arby’s? – at Glenview, IL

Anyone else get that @stickermule email? – at Glenview, IL

My 2 y/o has inherited older brothers iPad. When it dies he gets mad and doesn’t understand so I’ve gotten in the habit of saying “It’s dead baby. It’s ok” to try and establish the concept. Well..he’s at the stage where he repeats thing so now he yells “DEAD BABY” when it dies 😅 – at Glenview, IL

Driving past a cemetery My 5 y/o: Dad are there 50,000 skeletons under the ground right there? – at Glenview, IL

If you are gonna give dap to the DJ go with the closed fist. I am not interested in touching palms like were blood brothers my guy – at Chicago, IL

Me, right now, at 9:15 in the morning, to a tiny human: “Please don’t eat sticks buddy. They are an outside thing that could be dirty.” 👶🏽 – at Glenview, IL

This is now my favorite video from 2024 – at Chicago, IL

Singing the hook at full volume in the backseat of a car drunk off keg beer. What a time. – at Glenview, IL