Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens) header
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Daniel John Smith

@djsmithereens

Comic and proud child to three Sumatran tigers. Half of @DrugofChoice3 Queer, He/him

 Wellington, New Zealand
facebook.com/DanielJohnSmithComedian/
Joined July 2010
  • Tweets1.1K
  • Following255
  • Followers305
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Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)Photo by Daniel John Smith (@djsmithereens)
Me: Well, I guess it's time to break the seal A Seal: please, I don't know anything Me: tell us where the second bomb is, you watery fuck
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The number of bots that follow me has gone from 0 per day to 1 per day - thanks Muskrat
I love towels, but I don't think towels love what we do with them. This is one of many reasons we should not put AI in towels
i guess it's just one of those days *puts Fergalicious on repeat*
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Image from shirts that go hard (@shirtsthtgohard)
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[cumming on someone’s face] Say ‘when’
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My friend thinks of Men In Blacks as 'Tommy Lee Jones films' "oh yeah! Will Smith is in those as well.. crazy" Love this
Daniel John Smith retweeted
Nikki Nasty (@nicolerafiee) profile picture
Nikki Nasty@nicolerafiee6 Oct 2022
my true and authentic self knows how to do a backflip. but my body does not. how disgusting and sad is that?
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james (@kloogans) profile picture
james
@kloogans3 Oct 2022
too many generic kid names like "chris" and "jake" out there. if i had a son i'd name him something bad ass. like "the shovel"
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luke warm tweets (@lukejarret) profile picture
luke warm tweets@lukejarret2 Oct 2022
me: umm actually that’s Frankenstein’s Monster friend: oh my bad *puts down energy drink* Frankenstein: don’t sweat it bro
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marrowing (@marrowing) profile picture
marrowing@marrowing1 Oct 2022
I love all of elon musk's products - exploding car - moron tunnel - paperweight spaceship - forsaken by god robot
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Epic line up tonight at Dope As Sunday Comedy, just fyi kiwiticket.co.nz/events/dope…
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Daniel John Smith retweeted
Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) profile picture
Leah Tiscione@LeahTiscione24 Sep 2022
Why are they called kegels and not pussups
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soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) profile picture
soul nate@MNateShyamalan15 Sep 2022
before you make your “jokes”: garfield hates mondays because he is living with undiagnosed adult ADHD. not so funny anymore, is it?
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Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) profile picture
Andrew Nadeau
@TheAndrewNadeau15 Sep 2022
dracula: hey, man, I know you’re a new vampire, but that’s really making everybody uncomfortable me: *drinking blood with a bowl and spoon like it’s soup* Blood soup. I call it bloop
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Apologies, yesterday so many buses were cancelled that I hit an API limit and couldn't post cancellation tweets for 24 hours. I'm looking at some alternatives to avoid this going forward (maybe @metlinkwgtn could do a better job at running the bus system going forward?)
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Hamson Dan (@Alldogsaredead) profile picture
Hamson Dan@Alldogsaredead15 Sep 2022
The fact that they didn't dispose of her majestys body by throwing it in one of the united kingdoms many beautiful and mysterious bogs shows me that the country has lost its way.
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“A large portion of the population doesn’t follow the mandate so we got rid of them” Okay, then do drug laws too.
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