Dr Julie Smith

The most common question I get asked in interviews is "What is coming next?" So, as I head to the big smoke to speak at the London Book Fair today, I will let you guys know first...

👉 The last one is the most important! What else would you add to these? Share in the comments what you wish everybody understood about depression. Pick up a copy of my bestselling books or follow me for more ❤️

👉 So what do we do about it? The good news is you weren't born a people pleaser. You learned to survive that way. And anything learned can be unlearned. You can learn to sit with someone else's disapproval without rushing to fix it. "Don't act on what pleases. Act on what matters." Easier said than done when the prospect of disapproval fills you with fear of rejection. But in the same way that self-worth gets corroded slowly, with small decision after small decision, it also grows back in that same gradual way. So the small daily choices matter. A seemingly unimportant choice to betray yourself for someone else's approval sets you in a particular direction and increases the chances of you doing the same next time. Equally, finding small ways to advocate for yourself in everyday life sets you off in a different direction. One that is much better for you and your relationships. I would love to hear your own experiences of this. Chat with me in the comments. 👉 For more on this, both my books have you covered. 'Open When...' was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller, and I also cover some of this in my multi-million copy bestseller, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Both available in over 40 languages. (The paperback has also just been released in the USA, available in Target.)

The anxiety symptoms nobody warns you about… And some of them are so embarrassing, you might think something is seriously wrong with you. But anxiety doesn’t always look like panic. Sometimes it looks like: • Feeling sick or needing the toilet • Blushing or sweating for “no reason” • Going completely blank in conversation And the cruel part? Worrying about your anxiety symptoms can actually make them worse. So no, you’re not “being ridiculous”. Your nervous system is trying to protect you — it’s just sometimes sounding the alarm when there’s no fire. If you want practical tools for understanding anxiety check out my million copy Sunday Times bestseller 'Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?' and ky New York Times bestseller, 'Open When….' Save this for the next time anxiety makes you think, “What is wrong with me?” 🫶

👉 Are you depressed or is it just sadness? Either way one crucial truth remains the same. You have the potential to shift a downward spiral into an upward one through action. Both sadness and depression create urges to do things that generate more of the same feelings. It is ok to sit in sadness for a while and process whatever it is trying to tell you. But, if you start to realise that it’s time to work on feeling better, then you can invite a change in emotion by acting opposite to the urges the emotion is giving you. If sadness says, let’s spend another day unwashed on the sofa, go take that shower and see how you feel, if depression says don’t answer the phone to your friend, take a deep breath and answer the call. You don’t just do positive things because you feel happy, you also feel happy because you are doing positive things for yourself. Now read that last line again.

👉 A Life-changing question: Where has your mind been living today? Let me know in the comments. Most people don’t realise their mind is elsewhere. They just notice the emotional fallout. A few hours spent worrying will leave you with some pretty uncomfortable anxiety. A few hours churning over the most painful of memories will leave you with a sadness that is heavy to carry through the rest of your day. There is absolutely a place for focusing on the past and the future. But losing control of when and where your focus drifts to will cost you dearly when it comes to mental health. 👉 For more on this both my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller.. and I also cover some of this in my multi million copy bestseller, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Both available in over 40 languages. The paperback has also just been released in the USA available in Target.

👉 Last one is the most important of all! ❓Which tip resonates most with you? Sometimes you hear a line at just the right time and it sends a shock wave through you. A moment of insight, seeing things in a new way. A few words can be the torch that shines a light on the way ahead that you couldn’t see before. But one line is not enough. So, whatever life is throwing at you, both my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller and is out in paperback. Also check out my multi million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Discount links in my bio.

⚫️ What nobody tells you about grief & loss 🖤 👉 If your loss still feels as painful as the day it happened, I want you to read this: However you might have judged yourself along the way, you are not grieving too much or too little or too long. And you most certainly are not expected to “get over it.” Over time, you might find yourself stepping back into your life in small ways. And whether you hate every second of it, or feel guilty for enjoying it, you are doing the painful work of creating space for life around this huge loss. Friendships that hold you, routines that steady you, responsibilities that strengthen you. They all count. The pain still lives with you, as it always will. But your willingness to face this new chapter in whatever ways you can, is not leaving the loss behind. It is building the strength to carry that grief with you. It is not an attempt to shrink the pain, but to create a life around it so that pain does not fill the entire space. Follow me for more @drjulie For more on living through grief both my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller and is out in paperback. Also check out my multi million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Discount links in my bio. Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. If you brought a copy of either of my books thank you for the support 🙏 The original source of this concept is unclear but it appears related to the work of Lois Tonkin for anyone who wishes to check out her work on grief.

👉 Be careful, people-pleasing feels like it’s keeping you safe...until you realise you’re saying yes to things you don’t believe in... you’re being quiet when you know you should speak up... and you’re choosing approval over integrity. The result is you look nice and agreeable on the outside, but feel completely screwed up inside; resentful, confused, and lacking any sense of control in your own life. 👉 For more on this my New York Times Bestseller, ‘Open When..’ is now only £5.48 on Amazon! Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Links to both are in my bio.

👉 For more on this check out link in my bio for discount links to my New York Times bestseller, ‘Open When..’ It is out now in paperback in the UK. It makes a great gift for a friend facing hard times. And now it’s small enough to keep in your bag. Perfect! Thank you to everyone who has already bought, read and shared such beautiful reviews and recommendations. It means the world and I am so happy to see this book helping people in the way it was meant to.

🪴Are you in the WRONG relationship? 👉 Let me be clear on one thing. Finding this video relatable does NOT mean that you should impulsively end a relationship or friendship. Such big life decisions need careful consideration. But, if a relationship is destructive or harmful, then this is just one of the cognitive biases that keeps us confused about what to do next: It’s called confirmation bias. It is so psychologically threatening to shatter our beliefs about ourselves and others, that your mind keeps you feeling safe by editing reality. Suddenly, that one nice text means everything. The mixed signals feel promising. The silent treatment or hurtful words? You explain it away. You are unconsciously curating evidence for the version of the relationship you so badly need and want. When you are stuck in those moments of overwhelm or confusion about which way to turn, ‘Open When..’ is My New York Times Bestseller that brings the words to get you through and out the other side. It’s about to be released in paperback and is available to order on Amazon now at only £8.99 Link in bio. Also check out my multi million copy bestseller ’Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’

👉 Can you relate? That last one is so common! So many of the things we do without even thinking about it are a form of safety behaviour. A way to avoid the discomfort of social interaction. Doing these things does NOT mean you have any kind of diagnosable social phobia. But they are things to look out for, as they could be holding you back from connecting with people in the way you want to. Overthinking every conversation, replaying what you said for hours, avoiding texts, cancelling plans last minute, or feeling exhausted after socialising. All signs that interactions feel anxiety provoking. When we don’t feel entirely comfortable, avoidance makes sense in the moment — it reduces anxiety quickly. But that short-term relief teaches your brain that social situations are “dangerous,” which keeps the anxiety cycle going. The more you avoid, the more unfamiliar (and overwhelming) things feel. In therapy, this is tackled with graded exposure. Slowly and intentionally facing situations you’d usually avoid, starting small and building up. The more often you do the thing that makes you anxious, the quicker it starts to feel more like a comfortable zone. It teaches your nervous system: “This is safe. I can handle this.” 👉 For a full guide on how to tackle anxiety, I break everything down in my multi million-copy bestseller ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ And my New York Times bestseller, ‘Open When…’ both show you how to use the tools needed and guide you through on the days you need it most.

👉Quick Test - How many can you say yes to? If this resonates, you’re probably further along than you give yourself credit for. Most people will score less than 5 because we are all working on these complex and often emotionally painful lessons as we go through life. The utility of looking at the facets of emotional maturity is to guide us on our way. No learning or wisdom is gained without plenty of awareness first. So, please do not use this as a tool for self-criticism or self-loathing, but as a signpost towards who you are becoming. Emotional maturity shows up in the quiet choices you make every day—like letting others feel what they feel without trying to fix it, owning your mistakes without defensiveness, and knowing that your well-being matters too. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about growing into someone who can handle discomfort, stay grounded in relationships, and lead with self-respect. For more tools to work in this, my million-copy bestseller *Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?* And my New York Times bestseller, *Open When,* both show you how to use the tools needed and guide you through on the days you need it most.

👉 Have you spotted any of these? You might want to keep this saved to refer back to. Sometimes the signs that are easier to notice are those that appear in our own reactions. For example, being around someone who is emotionally immature can feel exhausting. There is a sense of always having to walk on eggshells to accommodate their tendency to perceive almost anything as criticism and the intense reaction that follows. That highly defensive reflex might be volatile, but it can also be more passive aggressive. So, every now and then you notice you are being ignored and the guessing games begin as you try to work out what you have done wrong. When you love someone who is emotionally immature, it is natural to yo-yo between working hard to gain their approval and occasionally rejecting them out of frustration. But rather than going round in circles with them, breaking that cycle comes from making the radical decision to stop seeking validation and approval from someone who is not emotionally mature enough to give it. 👉For more insights on when it’s difficult to be with others, check out my new book ‘Open When...’ It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48% discount. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Both links in my bio. If you brought a copy of either thank you for the support 🙏.

👉 Can you answer no.4? If these signs of loneliness resonate for you, this is something to take seriously. Not just because the feeling itself is painful, but because it is both a warning sign for the strain that a lack of human connection will put on your overall mental health, but also crucial information about what you need in order to make things better. For some people addressing loneliness is about finding and creating opportunities for connection. For others, it is about tackling the fears around social interaction and the skills needed to thrive in those environments. There is not enough room to do all of these subjects justice in a caption, but if you want in-depth guidance from me, I cover them all in my new, Sunday Times & New York Times bestseller, ‘Open When…’ Also check out my million copy bestseller, ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’

The key to disarming social anxiety and taking back control of your life is set out below. Save this and come back to it as you build your confidence. It is possible to go from being very shy — with strong urges to avoid social interaction — to becoming someone who feels confident and able to face whatever social situation they find themselves in. I know this not only because I’ve read the books and trained as a clinical psychologist, but because I was that person too. So I know from lived experience, as well as from the research, that when you keep these golden rules in mind, life gets immeasurably better 1Notice the small things you do before or during social situations that help you feel safe in the moment by avoiding what scares you. It’s not the end of the world to do these occasionally to get through a tough moment. But the more we rely on them, the less we are actually facing the fear. 2Go in with a mission or agenda that is outward-focused. Instead of ruminating on how you might be coming across, set a goal: find out more about one person, help someone else feel welcome, or challenge yourself to meet two new people. This takes fear out of the driving seat. Anxiety can come along — but it doesn’t get to choose your actions. 3Practise this as often as possible in real life. Not online. Not virtually. Human to human. The more frequently and regularly you interact with people, the more the joy of connection starts to drown out the fear of it. The new edition of my book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, includes a complete Anxiety Action Plan you can work through independently or with support. Have a look — so that this time next year, you can feel proud of the changes you’ve made. Good luck. 👉 For more on this both my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller.. and I also cover some of this in my multi million copy bestseller, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Both available in over 40 languages.

👉 A woman’s mental health is never more vulnerable than in the first year after she has given birth. If you have noticed your wellbeing fluctuating since having a baby, I have a message for you. It’s not your fault. Having a baby has never been easy but our modern world, with all of it’s advantages that make life easier, seems to get this one so wrong. And both Mothers, Fathers and babies pay the price. The reason that mental health is so at risk during this time is because the core pillars of defense are all knocked out from beneath you. Some of those we can’t control, like sleep. Others we could use to help ourselves stay well, like social connection, nutrition and movement. But for anyone living in a place where community no longer exists, and Surestart centres or groups have been shut down, trying to look after your mental health alone, at the time when you need support more than ever, can feel overwhelming. We must do better for families. 👉 For anyone who needs a helping hand through those often dark and lonely moments check out my New York Times / Sunday Times bestselling book ‘Open When...’ it is finally out now worldwide (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages x

🤯 Stressed? Watch this! 🐷 Check out my facial expression as I smashed up the pig - I clearly packed my angry eyes 😂 That was as fun as it looked - but the message is the most important and relevant to our busy modern lives: Stress is an energy economy. If you’re making constant withdrawals without deposits of rest and replenishment, burnout isn’t a mystery—it’s maths. Everyone wants to be at their best, but it's easy to forget that high output requires regular, substantial deposits. Spend wisely and replenish intentionally to avoid physical and mental bankruptcy. 👉 For more on this both my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller.. and I also cover some of this in my multi million copy bestseller, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Both available in over 40 languages. The paperback has also just been released in the USA available in Target.

👉 Don’t miss these key signs because the benefits and payoffs of people-pleasing can mask the damage it does to you in the long-term. It can feel like it’s keeping you safe...until you realise you’re saying yes to things you don’t believe in, your confidence becomes paper-thin and you have no real sense of who you are because you have only ever been a reflection of who is in front of you. For more on this my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller.. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. Exciting news! - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? has just been released in paperback in the USA and is available at Target.