t

u sleep w your boyfriend, I sleep w a VCR copy of the matrix, cards against humanity, 13 fake vampire teeth, a purple sweater vest, 3 belts, the shining, nikes, 2 computers, 3 red dice, $17 cash, and a disco ball

unemployment be like damn! i got a bucket of bud light lime and an empty bucket of golf balls due at 4 pm everyday – at Wisconsin, USA

can we start tailgating badger volleyball games fr – at Wisconsin, USA

i think my next hobby is substitute teaching – at Wisconsin, USA

subaru dealership men hyping me over my jordan’s….. and now where’s my free warranty – at Wisconsin, USA

when you’re having sex you’re not tweeting

if she don’t munch beer i’m not gonna much her.

i’m literally in an indie rom com rn and no one’s talking about it – at Wisconsin, USA

ijbol

gotta stay hydrated and refreshed .. that’s why i drink pbr – at Wisconsin, USA

no ❤️

trained the new president and captain for frisbee and accidentally showed them my nipple 4 times… you’re welcome wisconsin! – at Wisconsin, USA

taking a sabbatical from jordan’s big 10 after getting in a blackout fight at 7 pm