Figs O'Sullivan is the Founder of Empathi. A husband, dad, psychotherapist, outrigger canoe paddler, rugby fan, and Bitcoin believer.
San Francisco, CA
Joined February 2015
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The 'Not-Good-Enough Mother' of our civilization is the Fiat Financial System. It shapes our emotional architecture before we have words.
Fiat systems reward performance over truth. We've internalized this as a need to 'perform' our value in relationships. Sovereignty is the refusal.
I'm writing about 'The Compass of Shame'. the OS of reactivity that keeps the world spinning. Reclaim your internal governance. Read the free 1st chapter: empathi.com/book
The Orphan Map is the set of defenses we built to survive the incubator. It works for survival, but it is useless for intimacy. You have to burn the map to find the partner.
In my work, I look at the 'Two Villages' of polarization. Political hate is often just unhealed attachment shame looking for safe ground.
The podcast Come Here to Me is where Teale and I break down the patterns we see in real time. No scripts. No polish. Just two therapists who happen to be married telling you what we actually see. Link in bio.
If your partner says "I need space" and you hear "I don't love you," that's your attachment system talking, not reality. Space isn't rejection. Sometimes space is the most loving thing the Reluctant Lover can offer. Learn the difference.
I charge what I charge because this work matters more than anything else my clients will spend money on this year. Their companies, their health, their legacy. All of it runs through the quality of their primary relationship.
'Emotional Proof of Work' is the only way through shame. You can't bypass the discomfort. You have to feel your way back to sovereignty.
We are living through an era of 'Fiat Relationships'. We paper over relational instability with words that aren't backed by the hard asset of action.
I love you is a claim. Repair is the proof of work. Don't tell me you love me; show me how you handle the moments when we are disconnected.