Claudia Joller

Trauma shows up in culture as: 1. An excessive focus on achievement and external appearance. 2. Parenting as an insignificant and overlooked role. 3. Ignoring issues like financial insecurity, chronic stress, and loneliness as a root cause of disorders. 4. Urgency: an obsession with being responsive or "on" 24/7. 5. Viewing natural human emotions as a disorder or something to suppress. 6. A fixation on what other people think of us, rather than how we actually feel. 7. Mental health treatments that focus on getting a person to adapt to an unhealthy environment, rather than changing the environment itself. 7. Normalized chronic relationship dysfunction, betrayal, and deception. 8. Systems built around competition, exclusion, and divisiveness. 9. Exhaustion and burnout as something that's normal to get over. 10. Rampant addiction: substances used to numb and dissociate from life as we know it.

In 2017, I knew I was stuck in fawn. It was part of my overall pattern of dissociation. I would zone out and appease everyone around me. My needs didn’t matter. All I cared about was making sure I didn’t create any conflict around me. I just wanted things to be “easy.” Of course fawning actually makes life much more difficult. For me, it was a response to a chronically ill and emotionally distant mother. I learned to be easy to not cause any more stress or conflict in the home. It helped me to cope growing up. But as I got older, it became destructive. It was a core reason I stayed in unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships. It stopped me from seeing that my own inability to emotionally connect was creating a lot of my issues. It kept me in cycles where I would neglect my body and use any situation to distract myself. Getting out of fawn was about establishing pattern breaks. New routines every morning to I could be more in my body. I actually looked at my relationships and realized how I didn’t have any boundaries. So, I started practicing. I started saying “no.” I started placing limits. Without needing to over-explain or to justify myself. It was some of the most difficult work I’ve ever done. And it changed my life. I still have a deep pleasing tendency. But now I know what is and what isn’t my responsibility. I can be kind to myself when I feel guilty for letting people down. I can take care of myself which allows me to actually be there for others. Does anyone else resonate with being stuck in fawn?

Culture romanticizes the "selfless" mother. The idea that a good mother betrays herself. Puts everyone else first & her needs don't matter at all. Meanwhile mothers are angry, exhausted, and silently suffering under the expectation to do it all. This isn't surprising. Mothers have needs and were never meant to do it alone.

High cortisol relationships, jobs, and homes environments create sickness. Maybe it’s not burn out. Maybe it’s our bodies saying enough to environments we aren’t meant to be in.

This went viral so I wanted to share it here too.. Do people have depression or are they sad and apathetic because they can’t make ends meet? Does a teenage girl who’s been violated repeatedly have borderline personality disorder or is this the modern day hysteria? *75% of borderline diagnosis are women* Do children have a disorder or learning disability because they can’t sit still for 6 hours straight? Does a mother partnered with an abusive husband have an anxiety disorder or is her body constantly on alert to try to keep her safe? Are people with a history of abuse having mood swings (likely diagnosed as bipolar) or natural reactions like anger that stem from the past? Do half of the children in foster care have disorders (like “reactive attachment”) or are they unable to trust or emotionally connect because adults have betrayed them? We’re diagnosing coping mechanisms. We’re suppressing valid symptoms. We’re treating people as quickly as possible to get them back to work. Or, the same environment that made them sick. May we wake up. May we educate and create collective healing, together. If you feel this to be true in your body, please RETWEET for awareness 🙏 If you’re ready to heal, @selfhealerscirc is open for a few more days: SelfHealerscircle.com

Self respect says: when you treat me badly or violate my boundaries, you lose access to me.

Are children disordered because they can't sit still for 6 hours a day? Are adults depressed because they feel sad and apathetic when they can no longer make ends meet? Are people who've been abused having "mood swings" or natural reactions? We're diagnosing coping mechanisms. We're telling people who don't adjust to a sick society they're the problem. We're treating symptoms as something to suppress so everyone can get back to work. This unspoken reality is failing us all.

“I’m tough on them because the world will be” is misguided conventional wisdom. Children need support, encouragement, and the natural consequences of their actions. Not: criticism, discouragement, and shaming guised as tough love. Over and over again I’ve seen this mindset creates adults who: can’t self regulate, are attracted to toxic relationships, and who numb with food or alcohol. Children need support to thrive in this world.

What if nothing is wrong with you. You were just raised in survival mode and have some unlearning to do. A Thread If You're Willing To Open Your Mind: