🌍🧭 Around the World in 80 Clubs: A Journey Through the Weird, Wacky and Wonderful World of Football The beautiful game is played everywhere, but sometimes the sheer logistics of getting 22 players onto a pitch defy all common sense. From 10,000-mile-away days to playing on moving ferries, here are 20 of the most absurd stories in football by @paul_c_watson who has literally written the book on it 🏝️ 1. Shipwrecked Football When Chilean side Santiago Wanderers drew a trip to the Juan Fernández Islands in the 2024 Copa Chile, they faced a minor issue: no commercial flights. To reach Robinson Crusoe Island—400 miles off the coast—they had to hitch a ride on the Chilean Navy supply ship, Aquiles. Their opposition? A hastily assembled team of local fishermen, slightly hampered by players missing training due to lobster harvesting. The locals put up an almighty fight, narrowly losing 2-1. 🗑️ 2. The Worst Team in History? When a club gets kicked out of a league, you usually assume they cheated. For Spanish side Sueca United, it was the exact opposite: they were expelled for being too bad. Set up as a haven for anyone who couldn't get a game elsewhere, they lost over 300 games in a row across 11 seasons, conceding more than 4,000 goals (an average scoreline of 24-0). In September 2023, the Valencian Football Federation finally lost patience and threw them out after a 40-0 defeat. ⛴️ 3. A Derby on a Ferry The Estonian islands of Saaremaa and Hiiumaa have a fierce rivalry, but when they scheduled a derby in 2013, neither surrendered home advantage. The solution? They laid down a grass lawn on the deck of the M/S Muhumaa passenger ferry and played a 5-a-side match at sea. Hiiumaa won 4-1—luckily, without anyone taking a tackle over the railing. 🧳 4. The Ultimate Groundhoppers Sudanese giant Al Hilal recently pulled off an unprecedented feat: winning the league in three different countries in just two seasons. Displaced by civil war, they joined Mauritania's top tier in 2024-25 (finishing top as 'honorary champions'), returned briefly to Sudan to win the short-form Elite League, and then joined the Rwanda Premier League for 2025-26, winning that too. 🏔️ 5. Oxygen Masks Required You think playing in La Paz is hard? Try a visit to Peruvian side Unión Minas. Their Estadio Daniel Alcides Carrión sits at 13,973 feet above sea level—less than 4,000 feet lower than Mount Everest base camp. Away teams were routinely so incapacitated by the thin air that oxygen masks were a permanent fixture in the away dressing room at half-time. ⚰️ 6. Six Titles and a Funeral Maltese side Valletta FC don't just win trophies (including an incredible domestic sextuple in 2000-01)—they torment their rivals while doing it. Whenever Valletta win the league, fans hold a mock funeral street parade through the capital, carrying coffins branded with the crests of beaten opponents. Needless to say, when they suffered their first-ever relegation in 2023-24, rival fans didn't hold back the celebrations. 🌴 7. A 10,000-Mile Away Day Since 1961, the Coupe de France has allowed overseas French territories to enter. In 2024-25, fourth-tier Normandy side US Avranches drew AS Dragon... from Papeete, Tahiti. The squad traded rainy northern France for a 10,000-mile trip to a Pacific paradise. The downside? They lost on penalties after a 2-2 draw. 🤦‍♂️ 8. The Wrong Team Entirely When former West Brom winger Thievy Bifouma signed for Iranian side Esteghlal Khuzestan in 2024, he admitted he only joined so he could play against Cristiano Ronaldo's Al Nassr in the Asian Champions League. The snag? Al Nassr were actually playing Esteghlal FC—a completely different club based hundreds of miles north in Tehran. Bifouma only realised when his friend Gael Kakuta called him asking why he wasn't at Esteghlal FC's training ground. 🔒 9. Locked Out of Away Games Welsh side HMP Prescoed compete in Gwent League Division Two, but their squad isn't made of guards—they're inmates at an open prison. Because they aren't allowed to leave for away fixtures, they must forfeit every away match 5-0 and take a three-point deduction. The absolute mathematical maximum they can score in a season is zero points. They finished last season on -5. 🚌 10. The American Nightmare When Caribbean side Antigua Barracuda joined the US third tier, financial collapse forced them to relocate entirely to the US mainland for their 2013 season. Living in a cramped Tampa hotel, they travelled up to 10 hours in a tiny minibus for matches and frequently had to train in the hotel car park. They played 26, lost 26. 💩 11. Disgustingly Cute Sponsors Japanese J3 League side FC Ryukyu hail from Okinawa, requiring a 400+ mile journey for every single away game. To make matters stranger, they turned heads by signing the 'Unko Museum' as their back-of-shirt sponsor—an interactive museum in Japan dedicated entirely to the theme of poop. 🌶️ 12. Itching to Get Home After a heated match in Benin, players from Bani Ganse boarded their coach for a 10-hour drive home, only to start itching uncontrollably. Rival Loto-Popo fans had sprayed industrial itching powder all over the bus seats after believing Bani Ganse had used 'suspicious substances' on the pitch. ✈️ 13. A 9,000-Mile Commute When Baltika Kaliningrad were promoted to the Russian top tier in 2023, no one celebrated harder than SKA-Khabarovsk. Khabarovsk (near China) and Kaliningrad (an enclave on the Baltic Sea) are separated by a gruelling 9,000-mile round trip—meaning Khabarovsk clock up around 70,000 miles of travel per season. 🇸🇨 14. The Wrong Andy Morrison In 2010, youth coach Andrew Amers-Morrison went on holiday to the Seychelles. The local FA mistakenly believed he was former Manchester City captain Andy Morrison and offered him the national team job on the spot. He accepted, but the ruse unravelled when a journalist called the actual Andy Morrison to ask about his tactical plans for the Seychelles. ⛵ 15. Abandon Ship! On the remote South Atlantic island of St Helena, local side Crystal Rangers suffered eye-watering 36-0 and 30-0 defeats in 2020. The context? On both occasions, they could only field eight players because an emergency rescue at sea forced several squad members to sprint for the lifeboats right before kick-off. 🚁 16. Flying by Helicopter to Africa AD Ceuta are a Spanish side based in an autonomous city on the North African coast. When Barcelona drew them in the Copa del Rey in 2023, they didn't rely on the usual ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar—they flew the entire squad over in three separate helicopters. 🐿️ 17. The Squirrels of Andorra Andorran side UE Santa Coloma adopted Esquirols (The Squirrels) as their nickname to honour the local wildlife. To celebrate, supporters traditionally attend the final home game of every season fully dressed in inflatable squirrel suits. 🕵️‍♂️ 18. The Fake National Team When Togo lost 3-0 to Bahrain in a 2010 friendly, Bahrain's manager was suspicious—the players looked completely out of shape and didn't include any known stars. A call to the Togolese FA revealed the truth: they had no idea the match was happening. A rogue match-fixer had assembled an entire team of imposters to pocket the betting revenue. 🎖️ 19. Military Service FC In South Korea, all men must complete military service before 30. Top-flight side Gimcheon Sangmu is the official team of the Republic of Korea Armed Forces, drafting 15 professional players every season for 18-month stints. They finished 3rd in the top tier in 2024, but were barred from competing in the AFC Champions League due to their military status. 🏎️ 20. The Drug Lord in Midfield In 2021, Paraguayan side Deportivo Capiatá fielded an oddly off-the-pace midfielder named Sebastián Marset. Marset turned up to training in Lamborghinis and paid teammates cash to ensure he stayed in the starting lineup. In reality, he was one of the world's most wanted cocaine cartel leaders, using the club to launder money and live out his dream of being a pro footballer. 📚 fourfourtwo.visitlink.me/bbq…