۟

“i’ll love you forever.” “forever is a long time.” “with you, it isn’t long enough.”

i don’t want to bed. i know you can feel it, my longing, the aching, my need for love. i don’t want to beg. but oh god—oh god, please. please. love me. love me.

if the stars say that you couldn’t love me, are you telling me that you would listen?

and i curse the sky and beg the sun to fall all over me.

forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, i am going to do whatever heinous thing i need to save myself.

who hasn’t ever wondered: am i a monster or is this what it means to be a person?

but here i blur into you,

tell me, do you feel alive?

i may think of you softly from time to time. but i’ll cut off my hand before i ever reach for you again.

you must want very much to die. you look like a trapped animal.

they made you into a weapon and told you to find peace.

like a spider, these days i eat my own heart,

some days it feels like the ocean lies inside of me.

i’m just waiting for the walls of my insides to come clean. / i’ve been praying for the day that my spirit is finally free.

take me as i am.

when you die, the only kingdom you’ll see is two–foot wide and six–foot deep.

i won’t be vulnerable! not for my family, not for you, not for myself!

what you call faith, i call a sorry excuse.

what a shame we all became such fragile, broken things.

there’s blood on my hands and the killer’s not my enemy. / it’s all for the sake of love.