maddie

I think I was about 7 when I first experienced this 🫠 I remember being in the car and seeing the other cars pass thinking, “Those people have whole lives just like me. That’s weird. Back to my Happy Meal”

At this point, all of my favorite people will be in hell and I’m not sure if I wanna miss out on that!

What is time? Seriously, what the fuck IS it!?!?

Are you suffering from identity-protective cognition? You may be entitled to using your brain!

I just learned what a shirt stay is

Gold Star if you can tell me the first word of this song

All aboard the crazy train!! I’m your conductor, Maddie The only rule is that there are no rules Stay safe and have a nice ride 🚂

What’s your favorite Blow Pop flavor? Fun fact: the OG Sour Apple Blow Pop was actually shaped like an apple!!! 😭 Anyway, I think mine is watermelon.

I think about this bird almost every day. I imagine my future husband will approach me in the same manner.

Would you rather be a frog or a turtle?

How is it 2026 and voice to text still sucks this much asshole??

I feel like a vampire when I drink my iron supplement

I can read your mind. But it’s not because I’m psychic. It’s a trauma response…a defense mechanism what have you It’s a fucking disease, okay?

Yo conspiracy theorists, the ancient people didn’t have secret technology with secret electricity. They were just smarter than you, and you aren’t ready to admit that yet. But it’s okay because I know you’ll get there!

The Romans loved their bread. What you’re looking at is essentially a Roman flour factory from 1800 YEARS AGO! Sixteen waterwheels bro 😭

This was published in 1964

The fun has been sucked out of everything!

Freud: yeah, so basically since I want to fuck my mom, that means everyone wants to fuck their mom

I’m such a disappointment