roofers foot survivor

getting a masters degree is actually a key step in my bimbofication. what’s stupider than getting paid less than minimum wage to study something that does not really matter??

developing strong platonic sexual feelings for the man who does maintenance on our new place… david if you see this matt and i are looking for a third but only to teach us to replace a dishwasher

i love telling anecdotes to my coworkers cause they get the radio edit of the story

fly high magic man

my bf and my dad send me the same instagram reels freud is rolling in his grave

i need people to stop seeing my beautiful soul and start looking at me thru tyra banks’ eyes because my friends have been posting some UGLY pictures of me

i’m receiving coded messages from the AI harry styles songs playing at the nail salon

young hoes will split a bottle between 5 people

can’t drink or fuck on this medication you might as well shoot me dead

if you let me in a room with these two i’d make it everyone’s problem

if ppl are to be judged by their uncles morals then i should be in the hague

connor storries nachos already being reheated

i need a tattoo and a blunt and 40,000 dollars and a loaded gun

oceans 11 is the perfect movie