Jay Bernard

Girls can see the difference between 200 shades of nude lipstick but they can’t see red flags

i don’t even really like social media, im just so bored without it

reject modernity / embrace tradition

a parcel a day keeps the sadness away

I think the biggest difference between Brits and American’s is how we view James Corden

Putting petrol in your car literally only takes about 5 minutes but its the worst chore of the week

My favourite childhood memory is not having to pay bills

Apple Pay is real money. Apple Pay is real money. Apple Pay is real money. Apple Pay is real money. Apple Pay is real money. Apple Pay is real money.

Remember when girls would pretend there photo had deleted it’s self because it didn’t get enough likes hahahahha

“Your so quiet” and I wish you were too

Apple Pay is not fake money

Snapchat recap: you woke up early! *me black out drunk in someone’s kitchen at 4am*

Me: I have a headache Google: and it will be your last

You want a shredded body and I want shredded chicken from the Chinese. We are not the same.

I was trying to figure out who was missing just to realise scooby isn’t real

My brain as soon as I get a slight headache

People in New Zealand are now going to concerts and festivals and we are still queuing to get into Tesco