dove berzatto ۶ৎ

everything lost its color after mikey died, including your memories of him. no matter how much you tried to color in the lines when you closed your eyes, you couldn't. it killed you that you couldn't see mikey as you once did when you used to dream of him. weirdly some of your fondest memories were on *that* christmas eve. you can see his profile and you can picture him wrapped in a blanket that evening with a cigarette tucked behind his ear. you remember trailing behind him because something told you he needed you, keeping him company while he smoked, and going back into the house together. both of you were sharing the blanket as you walked back up the stairs. you sat on his lap while he told stories (before he got rudely interrupted), and his golden personality lit up the room. of course you remember everything that followed at the dinner table too. but picturing all of that in your mind, the saturation was absent, just as mikey was. it was gone from those memories and all your others with him, the good and bad. the person that turned your life into technicolor took it all away when he left you behind. you couldn't imagine anything that vibrant anymore. you're at a point now where you're convinced that no one else could paint your life the way mikey did.

i started thinking about ilipw in the context of after mikey dies you're replaying the last conversations you had with him trying to figure out if you could've helped him more and what every little gesture and head tilt meant and you're still in a place of grieving where you're looking for him everywhere like just maybe you'll get to see him again one last time. and specifically thinking a lot about him during the holidays bc of your memory of *that* christmas it was horrible but you'd do anything to relive that day bc it would mean mikey is alive

giggling at this reply That Bear only gets the best everything from me🩷

updated dn to match my bio hehe 🧸💗 i might change it back at some point