Korry

Spread my ashes over all the mistakes I’ve made

This is the time of year when I buy a calendar so I get a really good deal.

Wish I had the energy of those crazy gas station people.

All I’m saying is don’t ask me if I wanna see you motorcycle or car in the garage if you don’t have a beer fridge out there.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all the cameramen at sporting events who catch people picking their nose.

Did you guys know there’s a whole celebrity version of the internet where famous people speculate about your lives? It’s really touching when they comment about your highs and lows, political opinions and don’t even get me started on the emotional outpourings over your death.

I don’t like my food or my emotions processed.

Every man deserves one good woman and one good dog. I’ve had two good dogs.

I like to go to random TikTok posts and comment “That’s AI”

Am I the only one who randomly remembers hating someone and why I hate them?

I wonder how many times a day a hummingbird poops.

When I publish my manifesto it’ll just be my recipe for perfectly smoked ribs.

Nobody really prepared me for how much time I’d spend worrying about which lights are off and which are on at this point in my life.

Who decided that 3 is the number of times I should eat today?

The only people left that can remember using a phone book can’t read type that small anymore.

Anyone else getting excited about their day after Thanksgiving poop?

Nothing strikes my interest more than overhearing something that’s none of my business.

I’ve had The A-Team theme song in my head for the last hour and a half. How’s your mental health?

No matter how many paper tigers are being fought, they never seem to make the endangered species list.

Grown people recording themselves doing things they did in front of a mirror in their room as kids with the door locked and then posting that stuff on the internet is really all that keeps me going these days.

I hate working through that part where I’m not good at something while I’m wanting to get good at something so I never get good at anything.