I have no interest in telling you what to think. i'm interested in giving you something worth thinking about for yourself.🫵 every perspective deserves scrutiny. every popular opinions deserves challenge. every assumptions deserves questioning. every faith, relationships and the systems that shape our lives deserves examination. that's what you'll find here. pursuing truth even when it's uncomfortable. some ideas you'll agree with. others you'll reject. that's the point.👌 if a post makes you pause to rethink what you believed, or see the world differently? then it has done its job. think deeply. question honestly. you're welcome.😌

money makes your life easier. your favorite person makes your life better.

There’s something about sexual irresponsibility that i think some married men don’t understand. you can marry your best friend. you can have a beautiful marriage. you can genuinely love your wife & still face sexual temptation. marriage doesn’t make you immune to temptation. if anything, that’s where sexual discipline is tested. you will still see other women. you will still encounter situations that appeal to you. you will still have thoughts you probably shouldn’t entertain for too long. i’ve seen men who genuinely love God, men who seem grounded, eventually yield to what they later call "a mistake" i'm pretty sure we all know sexual irresponsibility rarely happens in 24 hours. there's usually a build up. thought you keep entertaining. conversation you keep having. temptation you keep telling yourself you can handle. boundary you keep moving. this is where i think conversation with your partner matters more than we sometimes admit. as a man, you should be able to tell your wife when you’re struggling with something. not because she is your accountability officer. because she is your partner. there should be enough safety in the relationship for you to share... "oh this is something i’m struggling with" before it becomes something you have to confess after the damage is done. some things become heavier because we insist on carrying them alone. talk about the little things before they become big things. build a marriage where honesty is safe enough to interrupt temptation before temptation becomes behaviour. well, i wish us all understanding partners. ~there's a reason for everything.

Two become one & you both still hide your phones? not in a stuck, suspicious way. i mean there's no way inside a covenant you hiding phones, the secrecy has to have a reason & i bet most of those reasons are not peace. ~there's a reason for everything.

Everyone carries a burden. what matters most is not the burden. it’s how we carry it.

This is why experience married people say... "marry your best friend" not because it's the wise thing to say. marriage is a long time to live on romance alone. romance is easy at the beginning. the beginning of love comes with effort & attention. after all of that, ordinary life def shows up. work, silence, tiredness, bills, prayer, waiting. performance drops by a good percentage. (let's not exaggerat) what is left in them remains. that's where a lot of marriages start to get the "ache" 🥹 i've watched it. i've observed it when a union is built only on romance, resentment has somewhere to sit. romance cannot carry every day. it was never meant to. that is where "love is not enough" comes from. not that love is useless o. love without friendship is empty. you keep needing the feeling to prove things are still alive. you should be able to sit with this person in silence & not feel guilty that nothing is happening. you should be able to say the hard thing without packing a bag in your mind first. you should be able to be unimpressive and still be safe. friendship tells both the truth. friendship lets both of you feel safer. friendship keeps silence as peace. romance can start a house. it cannot keep the house standing. so i get when people say "marry your best friend" not lowering standard or anything. it's the standard that is most likely to lasts. day one is easy to love. one day is what you were actually promising. ~there's a reason for everything.

hmm, this is a tight situation to be in. first things first or let me say, lesson learnt... don’t put yourself in a situation where you’ll have to be dependent on someone or something else. better still, try to be in a situation where you can make your own decisions based off of your personal will, not from external pressure.

There’s a life that may seem almost perfect. it might not be in view rn. but, one thing i’m pretty sure of is... it’s possible.

I’m genuinely curious about this whole "marriage is not the goal" conversation. if marriage is not the goal. what is? have we really thought about what life looks like much later? when beauty fades. children grow up, move into their own lives, the house gets quieter. who do you have to come home to? who do you share the ordinary parts of life with? who sits beside you when there’s nothing exciting happening? i know marriage shouldn’t be treated as the solution to every problem. but let’s not deceive ourselves either. "companionship matters" "building a life with someone matters" marriage may not be the only goal in life, but dismissing it as though it's not important is another kind of deception. ~there's a reason for everything.

Maybe we're not really stuck. maybe we're just afraid to become someone our old self can’t recognize. just maybe. 🤔

Purpose is not just a caption we add after our life is already built. it is what we protect when a relationship, a job, or a room asks us to shrink. people do not lose themselves all at once. they give it away in small yeses. yes to peace that is only silence. yes to love that cannot tell the truth. yes to a future that needs them smaller. God did not give us breath so we could disappear inside a name, plan, or a person. finding purpose is not running into marriage. it is refusing to enter an empty one. ask this.... who am i becoming when nobody is watching? that answer will follow you into the house. ~there's a reason for everything.

The woman you are becoming matters more than the relationship you are trying to get. don’t spend so much time wishing for the right man that you forget to become the right woman. i feel like we focus so much on the kind of man we want to marry that we rarely question what kind of woman we're becoming. actively asking ourselves.... -are my learning to communicate honestly? -can i take correction without becoming defensive? -do i know how to apologize? -are my responsible with money, emotions & commitments? -can i serve without keeping score? -can i set boundaries without becoming hard? -can i admit when i'm wrong? -can i choose what is right even when what i want is easier? because marriage for me won't make us magically mature or better, it only reveals what is already in us. and i think one of the most important things we can do before marriage is allow God to work on our, character, not just our relationship status. the goal is not only to find a good man. it is also... becoming the woman we've always wanted to be while at it.

As women, there is a lot we need to unlearn if you want a marriage that can actually hold. take for instance this phrase... "my money is my money, and his money is our money" where is that written? especially for christians, which verse in the bible is that written? this is not me covering for lazy men. i am talking about the mindset we carry into our relationships. you don't enter a marriage as two people protecting separate interests & call it covenant. there's a reason God says two becoming one. the world is good at giving us phrases that sound wise enough to justify the opposite of what God wants. the right way will feel like a loss before it feels like peace. i feel like the question we should always ask ourselves like a self introspection always is.... what do i need to unlearn? what do i need to relearn? that will help my relationship for the very best. that is all that matters. ~there's a reason for everything.

You learn a lot about a person by watching how they behave when they don't get their way. not how they behave when everything is going well. anyone can be patient when the plan is working. anyone can be gracious when they're getting what they want. test comes when you're told no!!! when expectations are disappointed. when someone disagrees with them. when they feel rejected. that's when you start seeing what is underneath the personality. notice.... do they become disrespectful? do they punish people with silence? do they become manipulative? do they blame someone else? do they suddenly reveal a sense of entitlement? or can they be disappointed without becoming destructive? it doesn't mean a person's worst moment defines their entire character. of course people get frustrated. people lose their temper. people have bad days. but patterns matter. how someone handles not getting their way tells you a lot about their personality, humility, entitlement, & self control. how a person treats you when they need something from you is sometimes not their real character. it's how they treat you when they realize they can't get what they need from you. there’s a reason for everything.

"Just love me for who i am" who are you please? what made you who you are? how did you arrive at your present without your past? that’s what bothers me about conversations like this. we're so focused on what we want that we don't care about the other person is human too. they have things they can & cannot live with too. love is not a demand that someone swallow discomfort & call it acceptance. relationship shouldn't be reduced to what somebody provides, while we ignore who they are. okay.... after the money… then what???

Potential is not Personality. it usually starts innocently. you meet someone & notice something... they’re smart. they seem like your kind. ...maybe they’re spontaneous, or at least they seem open to becoming it. then you start thinking they could be so much more if they just worked on themselves a little bit more. then we give them time... waiting... -still, they’re inconsistent. but we call it a season in their life. -they have little or no direction. we're seeing how capable they could be. -their character has visible red flags. but we hold on to the moments that make us believe their better side is still hiding underneath. because we’re hoping for who they could become, their present starts to feel temporary. that is where it gets dangerous. we already know who this person is. we just hope they could become better. potential tells us what is possible. character tells us what is present. relationship is built with what is at hand, not with what might be. -encouraging someone’s growth. doesn't make their growth your job. -believing they'll get better. you mustn’t stay until they do. -having hope for someone. know for a fact that it is not discernment. we fall in love with a person & the version, or the idea, of what they will be later on in our heads. maybe it seems to be much easier for us. .....then months, sometimes years, we're waiting for reality to become the perfect picture in our heads. sadly, the person is not a future possibility. they're the person standing in front of you right now. -pay attention to that one, not the one you're hoping for. ~there’s a reason for everything.

I love when someone writes exactly how they speak. you’re reading from them and their voice is playing in your head. you’re smiling to yourself, like you’re actually having a conversation with them. good writing is dangerous. you can literally hear their sound, pauses, ad libs they make when talking. lovely for me.☺️

when they say intimacy is beyond s£x, not everyone gets it. there’s a reason s£x is the icing on the cake in marriage, not the cake itself. i’ve come to realize that when couple misses that deeper intimacy the genuine connection, affection, friendship, & desire for each other the resentment can show up after the honeymoon phase fades. there should be a connection that want this person regardless any external things. in silence. in lack. ~there’s a reason for everything.