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When Steve Howey, Alan Shearer and Newcastle physio Derek Wright went away together during Kevin Keegan’s first spell at the club, the plan was not anything particularly dramatic. They got back to their hotel, had something to eat and decided they would go out for a couple of beers. There was only one problem with trying to have a quiet drink with Alan Shearer. “Alan Shearer cannot go out, have a couple of beers, let’s be honest.” “It’s Alan Shearer.” They went to a pub called The Star. It did not take long for people to realise who was there. “Alan Shearer, Alan Shearer.” “Not Steve Howey.” “Alan Shearer, Alan Shearer, Alan Shearer.” A few people eventually followed them back to the hotel, where they carried on drinking for another few hours before Howey, Shearer and Wright went to bed. They got up the next morning, drove home and thought little more of it. By the time they arrived at training the following day, the mood had changed. “The manager is not happy.” “Not happy at all.” The hotel had been in touch with the club. There had been no locks on some of the doors, people had wandered into different rooms after the players went to bed and the place had been left in a mess. Keegan wanted to see all three of them. This happened to fall on the same day as Newcastle’s Christmas fancy dress party. Shearer went into Keegan’s office first still wearing his training kit. Howey assumed he was going to be in there for a while, so rather than wait around, he went and got changed for the party. His costume was an emu. His own legs went into the bird’s legs, another pair of legs stuck out in front and a long emu neck came up beside him with a metal handle that allowed him to move its head around. Eventually the office door opened. Shearer came out with Keegan and the pair of them were laughing. Howey was sitting there in the emu costume thinking perhaps the meeting was not going to be too bad after all. Keegan looked at him. “What the f****** hell have you got on?” “I look like a right f***er, to be fair.” Howey sat down in front of his manager dressed as an emu, still holding the metal handle that controlled the bird’s neck. Keegan started going through what had happened at the hotel. “He’s battering me.” “Absolutely battering me.” While he was doing it, Howey had unknowingly started lowering the emu’s head. Keegan stopped. “Put that f****** emu’s head down.” Keegan asked where Derek Wright was and was told he was getting changed. A couple of minutes later, the door opened. Wright walked in wearing a pink leotard, a tutu, pink tights and Dr Martens. Keegan looked at him. “I am f****** speechless.” “I am speechless, Derek.” “Sit down.” So Keegan now had Steve Howey sitting in front of him dressed as an emu and Derek Wright beside him dressed as a fairy. “I am embarrassed.” “I’ve got a current England international wearing a f****** emu costume and I’ve got one of the best physios in the country wearing a f****** tutu.” “F****** get out.” Howey and Wright both tried to get through the office door at the same time. The emu’s neck got caught, Wright’s tutu got caught and eventually they managed to get themselves out. Howey and Wright looked at each other wondering how Shearer had managed to escape the whole thing so easily. “The blue-eyed boy gets away with bloody murder again.” Wright still had an entire Christmas party to get through dressed as a fairy. And when it was finally time to go home, he discovered another problem. “Have you ever tried waving a taxi down with a magic wand?” “It didn’t work.” #football