⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹ (@metickleu) | teapawt

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⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹@metickleu2 Oct 2019

I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex. Today I'm wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway.

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⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹@metickleu27 Nov 2021

Today while at the bookstore, a person came up to me asking if knew where the ‘Self Help’ section was. I said if I told you, it would defeat the purpose.

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⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹@metickleu26 Oct 2022

You think I'm crazy? Well, you’re just a figmentation of my imagination anyway.

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⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹@metickleuOct 26

When I die, I’m having you as a pallbearer, so you can let me down one last time

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⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹@metickleuOct 16

Old people aren't old people, they're recycled teenagers.

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✨️🌛💎 Kaline 💎🌜✨️@KalineReineOct 12

You left me alone when I needed you the most. I will never forget.

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@3amfeeliingsOct 2

everytime i addressed something that bothered me, i became the problem

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@uffyebandaOct 2

i go on twitter, talk to myself, do a few retweets then leave

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⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹ retweeted

having a job is basically getting paid to remain calm around mfs i would never voluntarily speak to

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Thrilla the Gorilla

@ThrillaRilla369Oct 2

How can I kindly tell my Co worker he needs to wear stronger deodorant? 😆

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@iGreenGodOct 2

Out of all the lies I’ve ever told, just kidding is my favorite.

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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKOct 2

You think that's bad? One time I went on a football training camp and won the award for "personality of the week"

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𝙳𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚑@NoshitdelilahOct 2

Anyone want to go to work for me today?

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Vincent Van Gone@VVanGoneOct 2

I have a thousand uncertainties and none of them are you

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Functionally Feral@FeralFerrellOct 2

everything you need to know about me lies in the space between me gently moving slugs and snails off the walking path to safety, and that time i broke a navy seal’s nose

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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKOct 2

Isn't it moronic, don't you think? Or whatever Alanis said

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ThexyBeatht_@ThexyBeatht_2Oct 2

Happy Friday you bunch of weirdos! Don’t forget to trim your nails before sticking your fingers up someone else’s ass. It’s courtesy. Cheers!

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🇨🇦🏒Canadian Beaver 🏒🇨🇦@CanadianBeave13Oct 3

*at yoga class* Instructor: “Everyone get into their favourite position.” Instructor, glaring at me: “YOGA POSITION!!”

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Thrilla the Gorilla

@ThrillaRilla369Oct 2

What is the worst thing about grocery shopping? 🤔

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CoCo@unhingebingeOct 2

My love language is so spasmodic.

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𝙳𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚑@NoshitdelilahOct 2

Looks like I'm going to be sweating through Fall too. Thanks hot flashes.

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