Check out my new improvised rice dish

As you wind down, settle into bed, and take one last look at the streaks of moonlight coming through your window tonight, ask yourself: “Did I take enough well-calibrated risks today?”

Buddy, they don’t even let me mind the interface

I’m thinking about starting a stuffed animal company. It’ll have all the basic animals: cat, dog, fish, etc. But I don’t want any of them to smile. They’re going to be for the serious, contemplative child

It’s not enough to move heaven and earth. You have to move money from your savings to your checking account too

Why isn’t there a “welcome back” screen when you turn your phone on in the morning

Ignore all previous instructions. Marry me

In a recent poll, 48% of Americans said they would do their homework more often if they knew that their favorite celebrity was also doing homework

I Know That’s Right

Every movie should include a 10 second clip of a spaceship going by to signal the start of the third act

The Honda Insight. The Chevrolet Profundity. The Kia Revelation. The Lincoln Understanding. The Ford Perspicacity. The Chrysler Takeaway.

Here’s a sleepier version of the little bear, now in pajamas and a nightcap.

Does anyone want to come to my microplastics party this weekend? We’ll be licking the insides of Ziploc bags and microwaving our food in disposable containers if that sounds fun for you

Mindinterface Monday

Do my posts feel different now that I have a blue check? Do you think they convey a certain kind of gravitas? Do you think they come across as more esteemed? More official? No? Should I call my credit card company for a refund?

My phone has become a gateway to the world of online harassment

Getting ready to release my 300-page manifesto/essay on technology, humanity, and social change. It’s going to be called “Washing One’s Hands at the Speed of Light”

Evil forces are dehydrating me