Ruthie Randall

My dream is this: Garlic naan from Juboraj Samosas from Gateway Bhajis/everything else from Mowglis. One day. ONE DAY.

💔

Cheers to me for surviving the Easter holidays with a child who hates school holidays. Yes, I know there’s one day left to go, but I need to stay sober enough to make a packed lunch tomorrow…

Available for hire. 5 year old freestyle interior designer/decorator. Exceptionally fast worker. Stealthy. Strengths include scribble work with dark coloured crayons and writing names and phonics onto doors. Payment in the form of wine for his mother is preferred.

We absolutely LOVE getting to know these gorgeous girls better when we’re on weekend duty🐔☺️

Got offered a Waitrose Christmas delivery slot in August. Apparently I took it up and filled my basket to reserve the slot, because a fuck load of unexpected cheese and pain au raisins arrived at the house. £60 worth. NAILED CHRISTMAS.🧀🧀🎄🎄💃🏼💃🏼

Still my favourite video on the internet 🐐🐐🤣🤣

OUTSTANDING @jessesmithuk…. AND you’ve finally got Tom watching Strictly with me 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Just under 6 weeks ago my husband had a stroke, aged 35. At first he couldn’t walk. Today, as he heard the ice cream van come down the road, I saw him RUN upstairs for cash, RUN back down and then leg it out the door. Bloody beautiful sight … and I got a magnum out of it 🥰

Me: What do you want to do on your inset day? Him: MIX PAINTS 😀😀😀 Still cleaning up 12 hours later…

Contestants answering Q1: they get covered in excrement Tom answering 3 seconds before: OH! THEY GET COVERED IN SHIT!! #clevernotclassy #OnlyConnect

Spent DAYS researching, trawling the internet and watching Bob the Builder far too closely after 4 year old kept asking for a toy ‘Barbara from Bob the Builder’. He finally disclosed Barbara’s surname tonight: ‘Barbara Pickles’. Turns out this guys is Barbara.

I’m sat in the garden watching my two year old walk around in circles over and over again. I asked her what she was doing and she replied : I’m a dwarf planet. I’m orbiting. 🤯😂

7 years of marriage today so he treated me to…..an apple sourz shot. That’ll teach me to go to the loo before he’s ordered. God, I need a bloody medal.

Gold top has a whole new meaning 😍 #ciderontap @RhiwbinaTap

4 year old just watched me change into my pyjamas and blurted out: YEAH, WHEN I WAS LITTLE I USED TO DRINK FROM THOSE BOOBS. Could not be more proud to be honest 💃🏼 #breastfeeding 🤱🏼