Plausible Fiction. Teacher. Street life, school affairs, if it bothers you, that's the point. Biased Arsenal fan.
Trotting
Joined March 2011
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Today, I got to the shop and from 10AM to 2PM, sales were painfully slow.
I started feeling sleepy and wishing I never opened.
But I had to stay because someone advised me to start opening on Sundays so more people would notice my shop.
By 2:10PM, I was already preparing to go home because of the loooooow sales.
Then one guy walked in and asked me to sell ₦100 worth of garri.
I did.
He rummaged through his pocket, brought out ₦70 and begged me to collect it because it was all he had.
I smiled and told him to keep his money.
I gave him the garri.
He handed it back to me and said, “I was just testing you.”
This guy then bought 20 derica of rice, 20 derica of beans, 4 paints of garri and other things.
Immediately he left, another woman came and bought plenty things too.
From that moment, I've been selling like nose masks during COVID.
Today is officially my highest sales day so far.
Let me close and go home for now.
The young man that offloads goods for me, I saw him and his girlfriend at a bar last night.
Bro, there’s no kind of girl you can’t bag.
Just avoid devourers.
I poured honey into the palms of madam and asked her to lick.
She licked and remain small.
She asked me to lick the remaining one.
I said "No", because she hadn't brushed.
Her face changed and she's like "You don't really like me".
Immediately I licked the honey, I remembered what happened to Adam.
E no easy.
I don't think men are bad listeners.
I think they're selective listeners.
Once they've picked your point or they found out there's no point, every other thing you said afterwards was just noise.
They're not lying when they say they didn't hear it.
My babe lent my money to her brother without my consent and he’s unable to pay back.
She borrowed money from her ex (now married) to pay me back.
I didn’t know until the man kept insisting they meet up in a hotel.
The situation is giving me a lot to think about.
Just bought chicken and I don't know what to cook again!
My options:
1. Rice and stew
2. Rice and banga stew.
3. White yam and chicken pepper soup (omugwo style).
Any other suggestion?
When things collapse, men pay with their lives and dreams. They don’t hide, they don’t ask questions.
May heaven bless men.
As a boss, if you bought a phone for your staff of the opposite gender, would you need to tell your partner?
Why?
A lady I knew was having serious issues with her husband.
She saw nude pictures of her friend with her husband on her husband’s phone.
She confronted her friend only for her husband to beat her up and throw her out.
She’s 5 months pregnant.
Now she wants to go nail that girl’s picture upside down to the body of bitter Kola tree.
Parents, when a child returns home with left over food, they come to the school to complain that the teachers aren’t feeding or making the children eat the food, if the child goes home with empty flask, they wonder if the teacher eats the food.
This is what teachers do, there are kids, probably in higher basics who help the teachers feed the kids, they goes to the teachers class during break and ask the teacher if she need help (one teacher can’t feed all the kids).
The teacher allows some of the students to feed the kids and once the kids are well fed, she allows the students to eat the remnants if any.
Alternatively, they dump the remnants in the school dustbin as some of the foods are actually terrible.
Do teachers really eat the pupil's food, because my daughter always comes back with an empty plate, and the food I put for her is always much, like the plate will be cleared, sometimes you won't even see 1 line of spag or grains of rice, fried egg sef you won't see anything. So I've been wondering if she's really the one that eats it.
Today I was explaining to the teacher that I made pancakes and I added flat plate so she can eat it herself cos she loves pancake(she said they always feed them).
She said "thank you for always cooking delicious food for us."
Am I overthinking things, how do I investigate?
I went to my shop for inspection.
As I was leaving, my boy called me back and gave me 24,000.
I asked him what the money was for, he told me it’s all my change and over charge he’s been saving since two weeks.
I asked him why he decided to give me all of a sudden, he said he didn’t want his game to cut today!
If you drop message on WhatsApp for someone and they didn’t respond, pls try to call them.
People don’t live on WhatsApp.
In 2019, Favor was doing “secretary job” for my uncle, earning 50,000 per month even though she’s a graduate.
2023, she got an opportunity and traveled to Switzerland.
Fast forward to 2026, we created a group to raise funds for the widow of our mutual friend.
The highest amount donated by an individual was 300,000.
Favor who left Nigeria just 3 years ago donated 1 million Naira like it’s corn money.
If you see genuine opportunity, leave this country.
There's this single lady that moved into our compound.
She kept to herself and hardly come out even when she's at home.
She doesn't enter anyone's flat or invite anyone into hers.
When I traveled, she had a falling out with one of our co-tenants and they told her that I was the one sleeping with her while she's been acting innocent whole time.
She called me on phone and cried bitterly that people "were gossiping with our names".
I consoled her and seized the chance and asked her, "Is it bad you're sleeping with me, are you their child?"
She replied "No, you just didn't have the nerve to talk to me".
People, is it a green light or I should stay away.
Yesterday, a person was admitted to a hospital.
He had taken a harmful substance.
The story was that someone gave him money to furnish his house.
He used the money to gamble on Man U to win either half against Como.
When that didn't end well, he used the rest to play virtual.
He lost everything.
I saw this pimples on my nephew's face.
I called him close by and exclaimed.
"Who gave you this infection, who did you sleep with"?
The name he mentioned, I wish I hadn't asked 🤣🤣🤣
Ọdịlị Martins 🪔 retweeted
Lagos landlords think they have seen crazy, until they meet Lagos tenants! 😭
A landlord in Surulere served his tenant a quit notice in January because the guy hadn't paid rent for 9 months.
Every time the landlord came to drag him, the tenant would just smile and say: "Daddy, don't worry, God will provide."
By June, the landlord brought two police officers to pack the guy's things out.
The moment the officers entered the compound, the tenant walked out in a crisp suit, handed the landlord a legal document, and smiled:
"Sir, while I was living here, the roof was leaking and the fence was falling. I spent ₦3.1 Million of my own personal money to renovate your entire building. Here are the audited receipts. You actually owe me ₦800,000 balance after deducting my unpaid rent." 💀
The landlord almost collapsed on the spot! The matter is currently in court and the guy is still living in the house for free until the judge gives a verdict!
In this Lagos, everybody is playing grandmaster chess, nobody is playing checkers!
