Pretty AntiSocial

Schmuel, I’ll admit it: I’m not a @BuckmanSchmuel guy. I’m a @Prettyantipod guy. Haley was cool with you, so you were fine. Haley likes @0LittleLemmi0, I like Lemmi. Haley is how I found @patdixon. I’m a Haley guy. Me and Pat are just a couple of simps, I guess. Some would call it friends. I digress. You don’t think you’ve hyper-fixated on her? You could have said, “Haley lied. I hate lying. I’m out.” A little dramatic, but fine. Instead you attribute any behavior to her, swallow whatever you hear, and go hyperbolic. Truth be damned. If someone said Haley was a fire-breathing dragon you’d hide in the keep with the rest of the women. How many times have you said “Haley” or “PASP” since this started? Would 100 be a lot? 200? 300? You’ve said her name or PASP damn near 380 times on your own show. Closing in on 400 once you add the weekend on Hughzey. I’ve heard you say some stupid shit. “Watergate” still fucks me up. Yeah Haley, we’re drafting articles of impeachment because… Watergate. “Should have disclosed it.” Like only people with approved histories get to talk about assholes now. “She should have been prepared.” Sixteen years, Schmuel. You don’t think this came up once or twice? Never hit a background check? It was public. I bet Haley thought she was ready. Mike Tyson said everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Haley found out she wasn’t ready for the onslaught: shows, tweets, DMs, texts, calls, and life still happening. Wife and mom to 57 kids. Poor Javier needs a wheelchair ramp everywhere he goes and the van was in the shop, so she’s towing him behind in her 96 Bonneville to marching band practice. In the middle of that comes you with the stupid questions. I can’t even imagine that phone call. Three-minute conversation stretched to 45 minutes. “So uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Haley uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” She thought she was ready. She wasn’t. You thought you were inner circle. You found out you were just another internet friend. Given how you’ve acted since, her instinct was right: be guarded around Schmuel. Get over it. Call your mom. Get an emotional support dog. You’ll be okay. Her actual friends took a breath, let her come down, heard the truth, looked at the Haley we know, and decided whatever happened 16 years ago isn’t the person in front of us. The reaction that day was a mistake. We understood it and moved on. You lost your mind. “iTs LiKe WaTeRgaTe!” 🙄 I can’t tell if you’re beating a dead horse because you’re insane, content farming, or standing too close to the elephant. Either way you’ve turned Haley into a boogeyman in your own mind. You’re a silly person who should never be taken seriously. Nothing matters except what Schmuel thinks right now and how he can demonize Haley for it. Real or not. Random chat could say Haley knocked down Building 7 and you’d do a show with the footage, squinting at the screen. “Is that her right there, blowing it up? I think it’s true, chat."