drishtibuting @matiks_play • future cattle farmer • i will win, regardless
Joined July 2024
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> cleared R1 for ISB YLP (deferred MBA)
> had all my SOPs ready for MBA/MIM outside India
> was scoring 750-760 in GMAT mocks
> had a joining offer from consulting firms
left it all because i couldnt imagine myself working my ass off 9-5 for all my life. raising ipad kids. having to ask permission from boss to take someone to hospital or kids to PTM.
saw people with prestigious degrees also just working paychecks to paychecks.
nothing made sense. so i did what any retard would do. start from scratch again. no connections. no friends. no hand to hold. all alone in a new city by myself.
i dont regret anything in past 6 months. no matter how bumpy the ride has been. still believe, my life would have been easier, otherwise but my soul would have died.
let's talk about those of us who feel too deeply.
the ones whose hearts are wired to notice every shift in tone, every delayed response.
the ones who read entire stories into a single sentence. who replay conversations, looking for hidden meanings. who love so carefully because they're terrified of getting it wrong.
they remember the little things. notice the unsaid things. feel the forgotten things.
understand this: their extra care comes from extra scars.
they've been hurt before, so they notice things other people might miss. they overthink because they've learned that sometimes the smallest changes mean something.
reassurance isn't neediness. sometimes, it's just helping quiet a mind that's been hurt before.
they don't need you to be perfect. they just need consistency. honesty. a little patience.
because when you've spent so much time trying to understand everyone else, sometimes all you want is someone who makes you feel understood, too.
it's so strange to be living a life that you once didn't think was possible.
to wake up one day and realise that you're living through things you once thought would never happen to you.
that the things you once prayed for are now just a part of your everyday life.
life is strange like that.
the only thing i'm grateful for about pain is that it gives you perspective.
i will never take the things i have in my life for granted because i know how it feels to live without them.
and that's the only reason i'll ever be grateful for pain.
damn, i am living the life i once prayed for.
i was going through some of my old journals and found all these pages where i was desperately praying, wishing, manifesting, and begging for the love, safety, and stability i have today.
it's crazy how you can spend so much time wishing for a life and then get so used to it that you forget you once prayed for it.
sometimes you need to look back at the person you used to be to appreciate the life you have today.
emotionally healthy people don't need a crowd. they're selective. they protect their peace. and yes, they are perfectly fine being alone.
but here's where you get confused. being alone isn't the same as being lonely.
just like you mistake lust for love, it's easy to mistake solitude for emptiness.
it's not.
some of us choose to be alone not because we're broken or bitter, but because we're healing.
we're learning to enjoy our own company. to understand who we are without noise. without validation. without needing someone to constantly fill the silence.
and sometimes the silence teaches you more than people ever could.
so if you're spending more time by yourself these days, don't panic. you're not falling behind. you are growing. you are figuring out what you actually need.
being alone doesn't mean being lost. sometimes it means you're finally finding yourself.
i don't think it's healthy to expect anything from others, tbh.
all you can control is your own actions. you can control asking someone out. you can control responding to their text. you can make it a priority to make plans.
like, that's in your control.
whether or not somebody asks you to hang out or says yes when you ask, you can't control that.
so arguably, it's healthier to not expect it. to just appreciate it if it happens, but not expect it.
and focus on what you can control. which is how you respond. how you respond to other people's behaviour and what you choose to do.
i think expecting other people to behave a certain way only sets you up for disappointment.
you can love people, care about them, and want them in your life without expecting them to give you the same things in return.
let people show you who they are. appreciate what they give you, but don't make your happiness dependent on what they do.
the problem is i have to get done a lot of thinking, analyzing and laying down the strategy work
with so much social energy and time gone
i need to clear my headspace to do that. context switching is easy but recharging after interacting with humans is a tough one
only isolation can fix me!