Johnny Bravo does #nonutnovember

Hey there, pretty mamas. Well, here we are: my fifth year putting myself on the line for what my comrades call “the big nut”. After all that went down last time, I’m just trying to take it easy, you know? Carl isn’t even participating. He’s married now.

What a month, man. Carl sends his thanks to everyone on the web who has been following our journey. He’s still in bed, but will recover and I’m sure eventually nut again. Congrats to Carl on winning #NNN this year. Do the monkey with me!

I’m crying. It’s a miracle. I got a call from the hospital and they told me Carl woke up… at exactly 3:05 on Friday morning. They told me his first words were “Johnny made the ultimate sacrifice”. I don’t know how this is all possible, but I’m so, so happy.

Last night I shot awake with a rock hard enough to split a diamond. I gotta tell you, pretty mamas: I gave in. Go ahead and put it on the board, JB lost #NNN at 3:05am on Friday, November 28th. And in a couple days I might lose something even more important. Someone.

There’s always something to be thankful for, even when times are hard. Look around, you can always find a reason to smile. Maybe it’s the birds in the sky, or the way the leaves sway in the breeze. Maybe it’s mama’s smile. Being alive is a gift. Don’t waste it.

I hope so, man. Otherwise he’s only got like four or five days left. The paperwork’s all filed and everything. Fuck. I’m gonna watch Train Dreams on Netflix streaming and take my mind off things for a minute

I have to tell you, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night. Last night I was dreaming about Farrah Fawcett and when awoke I was… well… let’s just say I could have lost #NNN right there. But I’m still in the game. Just like Carl. We’ve got this, buddy. Please just wake u

I just swung by Pop’s diner for a warm cup of chili. When I saw Carl’s empty stool, I nearly crumpled to the floor. This is all too heavy, man.

What do you want me to say? I feel completely shattered, pretty mamas. This used to be a month for celebration and competition, but now the whole concept of #nonutnovember just feels like an infantile joke. Except I’m not smiling. Not anymore. Wake up, Carl.

Now that I’ve seen Carl’s tape, I can’t think. I can’t think “this means he has one week to live”. I can’t think “we need a miracle”. And I tell you what, I certainly can’t nut. But I would. If it would save him somehow, I’d throw all this progress away.

Everybody’s asking what’s on the tape I found at Carl’s house. Well… here it is.

I decided to take the tape, now I just gotta find a VCR to play it on. I think pretty much everyone here in Aron city upgraded to DVD a couple years ago. I need to know what’s on this thing. If only just to see my friend smile again.

Okay, so I was going through Carl’s house and I found this? Oh man…

I got the OK from Carl’s care team to check out his house tomorrow. Anything in particular I should be looking for? I’m feeling bad about the way I treated him before. If I’d paid more attention to the guy, I wouldn’t have to ask my 109 followers for advice.

Carl was out by this time every year. I’m really starting to miss that little weed.

Sounds like I might be able to use Carl’s own key (from his personal effects) to check his place out and bring him stuff he likes, like uh… I don’t know a computer or a bug or something. Stay tuned. Man, I’m pretty!

Update: his door was locked. Guess I should have seen that coming lol

The doctors say that having familiar things nearby sometimes helps folks wake up. Maybe I should head to his house and see what I can find? Tomorrow I’m headed to Casa de Carl!

Is there a discreet way to ask the hospital staff if my boy Carl has had a… how they say… nocturnal release? Just thinkin out loud here.