@schumoo
Account based inUnited States
About this account
- Account based in
- United States
- Connected via
- United States Android App
Account-level information from X, not a live location or the device used for a specific post.
shameless grifter, pathological liar
In the dark
Joined August 2009
- Tweets314K
- Following7.2K
- Followers13.6K
- Likes328K
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Please quit yelling at me
You’re making it hard for me to pretend I can’t hear you
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
I handle family emergencies with my usual grace, by which I mean poorly and through humour
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Thanks a lot Apple Music for going silent when my phone rings
Now I have to listen to what they have to say
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
If we weren’t supposed to warm our icy cold feet on men why did God make them so warm?
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Cop: didn’t you see that stop sign back there?
Me: oh no
Do I have to prove I’m not a robot to you guys now too?
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Life experience just enabled me to deftly "hand off" crazy talkative guy to a younger colleague and walk away before she knew what happened.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Twitter: where idiots rediscover that it's hot in summer and cold in winter every year.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
You'll find as you get older that most people around you to be very annoying.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Stupid high, slow blinking at stars so the aliens know I love them.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
I give myself away as a former pot-smoker when I use my Albuterol inhaler because I instinctively inhale and hold it in like a bong hit.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
If my password needs a capital letter, number, symbol and ancient rune, maybe the website should be protecting something more important than my Burger King points.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Someday the words will not be worth anything and we will look astonished.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
I couldn't fall asleep last night, so I tried that old counting-sheep technique. It didn't take long — we only have three or four in the whole house.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Trying to watch a podcast about focus and the guest expert is unable to finish any sentence smoothly, constantly zoning out, pausing and staring off to the side. I think I'm actually doing fine thanks. Good luck to her though.😑🤓
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
Someone at my class reunion mixed up Pat Benatar with Joan Jett. The tension was palpable amongst our conversation group until we awkwardly dispersed. You just can't come back from a faux pas like that.
Avogadro’s House of Moles retweeted
I just yelled “I love your hair” across the road at a girl and she smiled so big and beautifully. Never underestimate my dedication to uplifting other women
