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Your dad small as hell

Calling my dog from another room and hearing his paws hit the floor as he runs towards me

*Has 11 missed calls from my mom* Me:

This is the guy from every 80’s movie with the motorcycle who transfers in senior year with an alcoholic father who somehow ends up with the shy plain jane female main character by the end of the movie because she was the only one who could teach him it was okay to be vulnerable

Me walking up to my coworkers to tell them about the disrespectful customer I just helped

Parents: When you get home do the dishes, take out the trash, and put up your laundry Me when I get home:

“You disappeared after high school” Me:

My toxic trait is thinking sad thoughts when I’m sad which makes me more sad

So dream vacations for most people involve nature, and yet we are destroying it at an alarmingly fast rate

What’s the last tv show y’all binge watched? Reply with a gif I’ll start:

Athlete thread; All my athletes drop your most recent pics 😎

Therapist: “what do we say when our friends say we won’t do something?” Me: “bet” Therapist: “no”

Calling my friends old sport and partying like Gatsby

When an ad pops up about something you were JUST talking about

Type the last thing you ate into gifs and post the first thing that comes up, I’ll start

Socrates: “To do is to be” Plato: “To be is to do” Scooby: “Do be do”

Me calling my mom to find out where she is and what time she’s coming home:

*My gf clearly mad* Me “Babe why are you mad?” Her: