🤣😂🤣😂 WEST MEMPHIS BROTHERS BUSTED AFTER POLICE SHUT DOWN ILLEGAL POSSUM FIGHT CLUB... AND YES, PEOPLE PAID TO WATCH... WEST MEMPHIS, AR — We've officially found the only thing in Crittenden County capable of making Walmart look classy. West Memphis Police say they thought they were responding to reports of suspicious screaming coming from an old storage building behind a vacant tire shop. Instead, officers walked into what can only be described as the SEC Championship of Bad Decisions. According to investigators, brothers Dewayne "Scooter" McClendon and Ricky Dale McClendon were arrested Friday night after allegedly operating an underground possum fighting ring that had somehow become one of the hottest tickets in West Memphis. Admission was reportedly $5, or FREE if you brought a folding chair and promised not to call Animal Control. Deputies say the "arena" consisted of a circle made from empty pickle jars and busted beer cans, complete with a hand-painted banner reading: "POSSUMPALOOZA 2026 - Where Champions Play Dead." The fight card reportedly featured legendary competitors including: Sir Hiss-A-Lot Mississippi Mike Dumpster Debbie Whatever Ricky Caught Behind Popeyes 20 Minutes Ago The investigation began after neighbors complained about "violent screeching, excessive cheering, and someone repeatedly yelling, 'HE'S FAKIN' IT!'"... which, as it turns out, is exactly what possums do. When officers entered the building, they discovered nearly 30 spectators, four coolers full of cheap beer, a folding table serving as the betting counter, and one possum proudly wearing a championship belt made from duct tape, a dog collar, and what appeared to be an expired Bass Pro Shops gift card. Police say the biggest problem with the operation wasn't the gambling... It was that the possums refused to cooperate. Apparently every match ended about 12 seconds in when both contestants dramatically fell over and played dead. Several angry bettors reportedly demanded refunds, insisting they'd "seen more action waiting in line at the DMV." When questioned, Scooter allegedly told officers: "We ain't breakin' no laws... we're preservin' Southern heritage." His brother Ricky Dale reportedly added: "Besides... they was volunteers." Authorities weren't convinced. Both brothers now face charges including animal cruelty, illegal gambling, and operating an unlicensed concession stand after officers discovered they had been selling boiled peanuts and nachos out of what investigators described as "a heavily modified leaf blower." As for the possums... Wildlife officials safely released them into the woods, where they're expected to make a full recovery just as soon as they finish pretending to be dead for the next six to eight business days. Only in West Memphis could somebody lose fifty bucks betting on an animal whose entire fighting strategy is taking a nap. Cliff Messer