Warren Piss

FOR GOD'S SAKE INTERNET. MY THURSDAY WANK IS THE ONE ESCAPE FROM POLITICS I GET A WEEK

piss

Just found out that electricity is halal DC gone mad

you, a fool: Martin McGuinness has died me, an intellectual: Martin McDry Irish Stout has died

waiting for a tweet to go viral so i can set phone to vibrate and let the wife enjoy twitter as much as me

Batman: quick! To the batmobile [Baby bat is toyin with the solar system model suspended above its cot] Batman (cryin): never grow up kiddo

Siri I did not ask "Is lamb a peaceful religion"

Friends if you go to the local flea market REFUSE TO pay the service charge Fly tipping is illegal

UKIP announce solidarity with feminist critique of media as they too hate the male gays

Town crier: i just can't believe sharon left me and took the kids

future proofing my work to be ready for skynet

this video proved why we should thank farmers so much, they never had to post again #MissionAccomplished

[shits in hand] ahhhh

Can't believe I have a travel ban for dressing like a cowboy walking up to the princes and saying "Howdy Arabia"

T Rex: dangerous carnivore Durex: a more sensible dinosaur.

Uber: we're busy, prices are at 4.3x regular pri- Me (holding up my SRGU104-MP Surge Protector 10-Socket Extension): not so fast buddy

Me: Oh you're a ceiling fan are you? Name three of its load bearing walls.

FOR SALE: NEWLYWED COUPLE. MINT CONDITION. NEVER OUT OF PACKAGING. SOME CREASES

and @piersmorgan will have to be renamed PISS MORGAN nitter.cf/piersmorgan/status/837…

northern ireland and france are competing for the grand title of "election i'm scared of the most but understand the least"