Raleigh Williams

I’ll be honest it feels a little weird to post this stuff to X where most people followed me for business or “leave law for entrepreneurship” type content. That said, most business conversations today bore me to tears and after a best friends suicide, a brutal divorce, and other “dark night of the soul” type experiences over the last 18 months, “business for business’s sake” just doesn’t drive me or hold my interest like it once did (much to my chagrin). All that to say, you’ll probably see much more philosophical or non-dollars and cents type stuff from me going forward—so if you hate stuff like this, now’s the time to leave.

My confidence skyrocketed when I learned the skills to provide for myself. Now, I can say what I really believe and spend time how I want to without any outside person telling me I mist behave in a certain way “OR ELSE” I’ll lose my job. I want my daughter to have that same confidence before she ventures out in the world to forge her own path. Business basics are a starting point to make it happen.

If you want to follow a smart big law escapee follow my guy @adamzdecker

My boys can’t change the world unless they first believe that they can and then trust themselves enough to ACTUALLY go for it. I want them to leave my house with little voice in their head saying, “I bet if I give it everything that I have, I can do it. And if it doesn’t work out it’ll be a dope story to tell one day.”

When my kids fail at something or hit a setback, how I respond matters. I want them to know that failing at something doesn't mean they've failed as a person. I want them to see failure as a chance to learn, ask better questions, and figure out what to do differently next time.

I want my kids to know that failure isn’t the opposite of success, it’s an essential ingredient that can’t be skipped. The research on perfectionism (not trying something for fear of failure) says that people who suffer from it usually have 3 wrong ideas about failure. They think it’s: Personal (It means something about them) Pervasive (A failure in one place means a failure in every place) Permanent (Never going away and can’t be undone) I try to instill these lessons with my kids BEFORE they need it as best I can. Where have you seen perfectionism show up in your kid? Where have you seen it show up in YOU? Follow @theraleighwill for more on raising insanely confident kids (and maybe finding some for yourself)

I want my kids to know that someone’s certainty about something doesn’t mean it’s correct. I’m trying to raise kids who feel safe questioning and following their curiosities. Never accept “because I said so” even from me.

Raising confident kids starts by asking better questions.

When we get our feelings hurt, it’s easy to assume we knew the intentions of the person who hurt us.  Hanlon’s Razor says to assume forgetfulness over maliciousness and stupidity over a desire to harm. Comment “LOGIC” for three easy logical fallacy lesson to share with your kids to help them outthink peer pressure.

The best performers do something that most of us don’t.  When Steph Curry makes a three, he says, “I’m heating up…tonight’s going to be a good night.” When he misses a three, he says, “I got it out of my system. The next one is going to go in.” It may be delusional, but it’s effective as hell.  Episode 3 of Konversations with Your Kids is all about the mindset of having the best performance possible.

When your kid can spot logical fallacies and common sense”tricks”, it makes them less likely to fall prey to peer pressure.  Comment FISH for the free lesson.

Is your kid actually motivated, or just complying? When your kid does what you ask, is it because they want to, or because you said so? There’s a big difference, and it changes how they act when you’re not in the room.

On paper, I was the most motivated kid you’d ever meet. Great grades. Eagle Scout. Skipped my senior year of high school to start college a year early. And after serving a two year church mission I went straight through to law school. But the truth is that I wasn’t motivated. I was compliant. The one thing I was truly motivated by was sports and I gave up my dream of being a pro athlete when I decided to skip my senior year. I’ll put the list of shoulds I grew up with against anyone’s, and I checked every box until my mid-twenties. Nine months into practicing law, I quit. From the outside it looked like a crash-out. It was actually the start of the end of my life of compliance. My parents did a damn good job in a lot of ways, and most definitely did the best they could. This isn’t about blame. Sculpting (nudging behavior with rewards or punishment) is the default most of us were raised on. But it took me 10 years to unwind 26 years of shoulds, with a lot of pain and frustration along the way. Anything built on compliance or defiance eventually comes crashing down if you ever want to live autonomously. My foundation had to be jackhammered out and repoured fresh. That’s the hidden cost of sculpting a kid. Sculptors move kids with should and have to: rewards, punishments, control. It works while you’re in the room. You get compliance or defiance. Then you leave, and you get rebellion or apathy. Sometimes that takes 26 years to show up. Gardeners build the soil so the kid moves on their own: 1. Curiosity. Ask why they don’t want to do it, and actually listen. 2. Cause. Tie it to something they care about, not something you care about. 3. Choice, within limits. “Before dinner or after?” That’s why I’m so big on my kids trusting themselves, even over my own voice and opinion as they get older. I had to learn how to trust myself on my own. I’d rather they never have to unlearn anything.

What’s the first thing you feel after setting a new goal? The gap. The distance between your ambition and your ability. Most people quit right there. They decide they’re not good enough. They’re missing one word: yet. Episode 2 of Konversations with Your Kids: three steps to close the gap. I. Competence: get better through repetition. II. Courage: do it anyway, even when it’s scary. III. Compassion: forgive yourself for mistakes, and eliminate negative self talk.

What if your soul picked your parents as the perfect environment to bring about your life’s calling (despite all their mess-ups and shortcomings), and your kids picked you to be their environment? That relieves us of duty from trying to be the author of their story and lets us be the soil and environment that foster the right conditions. Parents tend to get that job wrong in two ways. The Enforcer tries to sculpt the seed into what they want it to be. The Protector won’t let the seed go into the dirt at all. But an acorn can’t grow up until it grows down. It needs the dirt, the pressure, and the struggle. Roots before fruits. So my job isn’t to chip away or to shield. It’s to be a good environment: high standards, high support, and age-appropriate struggles.

Let your kids see you aggressively and unabashedly pursue your life’s call. Like Rilke says: Sometimes a man stands up during supper and walks outdoors, and keeps on walking, because of a church that stands somewhere in the East. And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead. And another man, who remains inside his own house, stays there, inside the dishes and in the glasses, so that his children have to go far out into the world toward that same church, which he forgot.

The greatest lie in the world is that you can't change. Freedom is having the courage to be disliked. Williams WIN (Work Hard, Iterate, Never Quit. Our value is infinite (and we are no better than anyone else). The bravest thing you can say is "Help." Fear of failure keeps most people from chasing their  #thecouragetobedisliked #workhard #neverquit #fearoffailure

A new life requires a death. Keep it metaphorical and you may be on the brink of everything you’ve ever wanted.

Critical thinking principles I didn’t learn until law school (or after) that I should’ve known much sooner. The larger the island of knowledge, the greater the shoreline of curiosity.