vernvii #BetOnBlue #MisssingBlueTeam

my absolute worst fear, going into my follow-up appointment, was that i was going to have to repeat the biopsy process, (which happens with thyroid FNA around 30% of the time), as the biopsy process was extremely painful and ngl.. a very traumatizing experience for me. (i was shaking like a damn LEAF on the table before) and... of course, with my luck, my results came back AUS (Atypia of Undetermined Significance)- or basically, inconclusive. 🙃 not only do i need to repeat the biopsy process, but because of the risk factor my nodules were presenting during the NEW ultrasound (TI-RADS 5), and the constant pain in my neck/throat, i also need to have my throat lymph nodes biopsied as well. the doctor wants to make sure that if i DO have cancer, it hasn't spread. in total, we're talking about 5 separate THINGS to be stuck with a local anesthetic, and then biospied- so 10 needles total, (and i am petrified of needles). Ive talked about it on stream before but, i would much, much, MUCH rather just be told one way or another if i have cancer, rather than staying in this limbo of not knowing. it is absolutely destroying my mental. 😔 atp the chances i have thyroid cancer are.. unfortunately rather high with how my nodules scored, with 80-90% of TI-RADS 5 nodules being malignant. for me, i would just like to KNOW so i can move FORWARD, both with my life and with treatment, rather than sitting here feeling this ANXIETY.. like i have cancer that could be moving through my body.. ESPECIALLY with how much pain i have been in. being told i have cancer would have been MUCH better than going through this process, (that we started in MAY), all over again. i feel like i've just delayed the inevitable. the next biopsy date will be in a few months, as is standard procedure (so im told) to wait between to let things heal, and in the mean time, i'll be here, doing my best. ❤️ and again, thank you all for your kind words and prayers, you have genuinely brought me great comfort with your words this past year. (also no, this is definitely not the only reason i've been having such a hard time mentally, but it is definitely a factor. it looms over me every single day.)

how it feels lately