Urban Richard Simmons

Back to business

George Washington was the leader of the free frickin world— you think he took 3 showers a day?

Swear to God I don’t be curious about shit yet my cat always dead

If you wanna bring back Raw & Disorderly just say that @DollaChile

Idc how old he was he ain’t got no business being dead! He’s been alive all my fuckin life! Fuck you!

omg blackmail?!

You do.

So you’re telling me Avengers: Doomsday is now gonna be in loving memory of Patr—

I need 2 minutes of mental prep just to get up and walk across the room, mind you.

You know.. Giants moving slow in media makes sense now that the days of Bambi legs after leg day are gone— The wobble has been exchanged for lugging around tree trunks all day and not being able to pick up any speed. This or that, but there is no winning.

Across the Multiverse

Of course since y’all gay every body eat butt— but the ones with the LOOK.. They look… GREEDY!!! That’s the word. They look like they got a greedy spirit.

Some people just look like booty eaters, there’s a certain look— it’s just a booty eating face I wish I could describe it.

It is what it is and that’s how it’s gonna be

My neighbors hearing “THEY COULD DESCRIBE EVERYTHING WITH ONE SINGLE WORD, YOU KNOW? LIKE—” again.

FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT FRUIT

Grant Gilmore might be my favorite choreographer since Darrin Henson

I like my workouts like I like my drinks— Sneaking up on me and leaving my ass sore.

In this game you can never win.. cause they love you, then they hate you— and they love you again. 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️