Never do for yourself what someone else can do for you...like speaking without supervision
Joined March 2011
- Tweets32.6K
- Following3K
- Followers7.9K
- Likes54.1K
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
If thoughts and prayers really worked, I know a few people who would've choked on a bag of dicks by now
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
[The Upside Down]
WILL: 🎶Should I stay or should I go now?🎶
THE MONSTER: How about you learn a new goddamn song
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
[eating an entire extra large pizza to myself]
ME: *hears a knock on the door* THIS STALL IS TAKEN.
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
BARTENDER: *cleaning a mug* what'll it be?
ME: something cold
BARTENDER: your girlfriend thinks about your brother when you're having sex.
Got my tax return today.
Really looking forward to buying my makeup from Walmart instead of the dollar store this time.
Sorry I wished you happy anniversary of our divorce but to be fair, it's still the best day of my life.
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
I'm the hottest grandma in this Waffle House right now.
And I have the most teeth.
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
I'm not sure who Ashley Madison is but my wife's been pacing ever since she was mentioned on the news.
Miss Stranger Danger retweeted
When I was your age we had to meet real people & speak our tweets to them & they could reply in more than 140 characters
-Us as grandparents
I've seen no fucks.
It's a 65y/o man, cigarette pressed between hot pink lips, driving a Geo Metro with a unicorn painted on the side.
