Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt) | teapawt

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@Contwixt14 Jun 2024

When I said I was "down to earth," I meant that I am like a hungarian goose feather comforter, lain upon the earth.

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Dead Pan Nick retweeted

Replying to @ASDem

🫡

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Knowing Better@KnowingBetterYTNov 9

When I was in the Army, I got a secret-level security clearance. Not once did a foreign honeypot try to message me, which is crazy given what I know. Still know, really. It's not like you forget that stuff. They made us memorize it. Anyway, sometimes I talk in my sleep.

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Jacques Huzz@Owen_Kung400023h

Replying to @ZachInMillioke

Love how when Rudyard Kipling saw Lake Superior he just said “man that shit just ain’t right”

Image from Jacques Huzz (@Owen_Kung4000)

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pay ✺ ⊬@yelllowdashesNov 10

you can be having an awful day and then they’ll discover a 53 million year old beetle trapped in amber and name it after twenty one pilots

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@Contwixt12 Oct 2023

four seasons. total. landscaping.

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@AnneHatfieldVONov 7

Martha Stewart once said “potato" with such chilling precision, I became forever wretched.

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@AzianMikeNov 6

We must build more donut centers

@PolymarketNov 6

BREAKING: Krispy Kreme officially outperforms NVIDIA over the past year.

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jabberwocky12@trobo11Nov 6

What are they gonna do, poll each other?

Image from jabberwocky12 (@trobo11)

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@AnneHatfieldVONov 5

When you can't quite identify the flavor, it's hydrogen peroxide.

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Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterNov 4

My therapist brought up boundaries just as I was playing with his hair

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Mr. Make It Happen@SupportThaNawfNov 4

We have to say “Mississippi” after each number

patagon’ya blak@okmeauxNov 4

Wtf takes Mississippi so gahdamn long to count votes??

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@NotTodayEricNov 1

What, and I cannot stress this enough, time is it.

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Hard candy is for suckers

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Trey@treydaywayOct 24

4 years old and she's already slamming doors... I'm not religious but pray for me

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@ContwixtOct 22

Twitter I will always love you Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

Image from Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)

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@ContwixtOct 22

Also: Waiting in line. These interesting people-types somehow enjoy it. Gen Z is a throwback.

@ContwixtOct 20

Gen Z is first generation in a minute who earnestly believes in entering contests. Where are you at, publishers clearinghouse.

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@ContwixtOct 20

Gen Z is first generation in a minute who earnestly believes in entering contests. Where are you at, publishers clearinghouse.

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Horned Sphere@Horned_SphereOct 18

That new Nathan Fielder movie had the hipster theater hootin and hollerin like a black church last night

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@ContwixtOct 19

It takes some serious intentional naivety to call willful ignorance by any other name

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@ContwixtOct 13

Hard work is only hard because you aren't getting paid enough to do it.

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