Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt) header
Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt) profile picture

24/7/365 Observer. Picture-taker. Frequent participant. Occasional make-happener. Bowling. Clouds.

Gunbarrel, CO
Joined October 2013
Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)Photo by Dead Pan Nick (@Contwixt)
Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Replying to @ASDem
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
When I was in the Army, I got a secret-level security clearance. Not once did a foreign honeypot try to message me, which is crazy given what I know. Still know, really. It's not like you forget that stuff. They made us memorize it. Anyway, sometimes I talk in my sleep.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Replying to @ZachInMillioke
Love how when Rudyard Kipling saw Lake Superior he just said “man that shit just ain’t right”
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
you can be having an awful day and then they’ll discover a 53 million year old beetle trapped in amber and name it after twenty one pilots
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
four seasons. total. landscaping.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Martha Stewart once said “potato" with such chilling precision, I became forever wretched.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
We must build more donut centers
BREAKING: Krispy Kreme officially outperforms NVIDIA over the past year.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
What are they gonna do, poll each other?
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
When you can't quite identify the flavor, it's hydrogen peroxide.
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My therapist brought up boundaries just as I was playing with his hair
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We have to say “Mississippi” after each number
Wtf takes Mississippi so gahdamn long to count votes??
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
What, and I cannot stress this enough, time is it.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
4 years old and she's already slamming doors... I'm not religious but pray for me
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
That new Nathan Fielder movie had the hipster theater hootin and hollerin like a black church last night
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It's one thing to get a golf tee stuck in a nostril. Shit happens. But if you've got a golf tee in each nostril, that's a pattern. Wake up.
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Dead Pan Nick retweeted
Me when my parents rented DEEP IMPACT from Blockbuster
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*flirting* You're the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on in the Statcast era
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“Babe do we have to watch Daniel Jones vs Athan Kaliakmanis first thing or can we go to brunch?” Me:
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i've been nothing but a complete nightmare to you and this is how you treat me
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i coulda told you that if your slow ass could catch up to me
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