DadKnowsBetter

University debate, "Were humans built to eat meat?", same two chairs, same clock. Vegan: "Anatomically we're closer to the gorilla than the lion. Flat molars, long gut. A gentle plant-eater with delusions." Paleoanthropologist: "Then explain the acid." Vegan: "Which acid?" Paleoanthropologist: "Your stomach runs at a pH of about 1.5. A lion's sits nearer 3.6. Yours is stronger than the animal you've just been contrasted with, by a factor of about a hundred." Vegan: "Stomach acid digests food." Paleoanthropologist: "A cow's rumen sits at about 6.5. That's a compost heap with a pulse. Yours strips the zinc off a coin. Why would a gentle plant-eater carry that?" Vegan: "Protection." Paleoanthropologist: "From what? Lettuce doesn't fight back." Vegan: "Bacteria." Paleoanthropologist: "Which bacteria live in a leaf at a level that needs a pH of 1.5? Name the salad." Vegan: "..." Paleoanthropologist: "The animals that run acid as low as ours are the scavengers. Vultures. Things that arrive at a carcass on the second day and need to kill what's already living in it. We're not built like the lion. We're built like the bird that waits for the lion to finish." Vegan: "Flattering." Paleoanthropologist: "It's a picture of a species with a rock, a sharp flake and no claws. You don't get the fresh kill. You get the femur nobody could open, forty hours late, and you'd better have the acid for it." Vegan: "Acid that strong is dangerous. Look how many people are on tablets for it." Paleoanthropologist: "The only animal on earth that pays to switch its stomach off. You've spent sixty years pouring cereal onto a carcass digester and now you're medicating the digester for doing its job." Vegan: "So your argument is that we're vultures." Paleoanthropologist: "My argument is a number. Yours is a feeling about gorillas. The gorilla eats for most of the day and its gut is a fermentation tank. Yours is done in a few hours and runs on acid. One of you is designed for leaves." Moderator: "Thirty seconds." Paleoanthropologist: "She can keep them. I'm still waiting on the salad."