days (@Dayscd) header
days (@Dayscd) profile picture

days

@Dayscd

25 year old comedian from Minnesota the state @vdays

 Minneapolis, MN
instagram.com/drosand
Joined December 2014
  • Tweets26K
  • Following1.8K
  • Followers11.6K
3.6KMedia
Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)Photo by days (@Dayscd)
days retweeted
@ratlimit (@ratlimit) profile picture
@ratlimit
@ratlimit22h
Why do apartment neighbors get such a bad rap for being “loud”? I’ve lived in apartments for 15+ years and never once could I hear my neighbors over my phone calls, music, discussions with girlfriends, etc.
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Normal Dervy (@Dervy) profile picture
Normal Dervy@Dervy16h
Image from Normal Dervy (@Dervy)
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days (@Dayscd) profile picture
days@DayscdApr 29
Imagine a pregnant clown… AGGHHHHHH I just imagined and it was scary as fuck but also maternal
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Anton Chigurh: whats the most youve ever lost on a coin t- Me: bottle of xans half a pack of camels Anton: wh- Me: buddy said heads you can punch me as hard as you can in the mouth tails I get what’s in your pocket. I was hammered so I said ok Anton: why Me: no idea
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I love that moment during laughter that is pure LOL vibes
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days retweeted
jill (@littlefucky) profile picture
jill@littlefuckyOct 29
People with green screens are obsessed with telling people “hi just make sure to not wear green!” . Something I’ve noticed .
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Replying to @LamarOdom
My card won’t go through
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jill (@littlefucky) profile picture
jill@littlefuckyOct 28
Dude. Joe box Los Angeles is going to be fucking insaneee 🤣 Please god PLEASE let it be the Joy tactics guys. Like that will seriously heal meh .
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First base coach talking to a runner: "Ok so stay here until you can go to the next one. If you get to that one try to get to the third one. A colleague of mine is waiting there for you"
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They should have a jeans day at the zoo. I want to see what a gorilla looks like in some archive
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Mothers will literally give birth to some random dude and then raise him to adulthood 😂
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lowkey i'd let santa claws fuck on me
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days retweeted
lewis (@Lewiswbt1) profile picture
lewis@Lewiswbt1Oct 24
I can't explain it but 8pm, the number 437926286537021, my chiropodist's doberman, the Iberian peninsula and the atavistic nature of vestigial tails in humans have the same energy. and Thursday
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Weed before beer, youre in the clear. Beer before pot.. uhhh.. my uncle's hot. No
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Well there goes my couples costume idea to do Ethan and Hila for Halloween... Just great...
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jill (@littlefucky) profile picture
jill@littlefuckyOct 23
New episode of my show comin out in one week from today with amazing band of all time @wishy !!! Subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch more fucking crap like this youtube.com/@jillshouseofroc…
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Image from Adult Trick or Treater (@Paynuspain)
Ebenezer (@ebenezermovie) profile pictureEbenezer
@ebenezermovieOct 22
Ebenezer Scrooge is now on @venmo. Think he’s feeling generous? 💰 Send a request: venmo.com/u/EBENEZERmovie
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Nobody else get a haircut until we can figure out what’s going on
Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) profile pictureMarlow Stern
@MarlowNYCOct 22
within 29 minutes of each other
Image from Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC)
Image from Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC)
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days retweeted
jos (@josiahhughes) profile picture
jos@josiahhughesOct 22
me: le one "you can see everything" ticket please 😏 cineplex employee: ok here you go sir me: [goes to every movie currently playing] cineplex employee: fuhhhhhh! me: should've read the fine print bitchezzzzz 😛
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they have taken my idea
Image from Patrick Doran (@lunch_enjoyer)
Polymarket (@Polymarket) profile picturePolymarket
@PolymarketOct 21
JUST IN: McDonald's announces its first-ever reservation-only "fine dining experience" in New York City on October 29.
Image from Polymarket (@Polymarket)
Image from Polymarket (@Polymarket)
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