Glen O'Humeral

Patient: doc, I need something to help me stay awake Doctor: take two of these and call me in the morning Patient: but these...aren't these your kids? Doctor: trust me, I'm a doctor.

Hey girl, are you torsades? Because de pointe is I want to prolong my time with you, QT.

No wonder we’re in the state we’re in…this is severely underdosed

Patient: are you board certified? Doctor: you tell me [does a gnarly kick flip and sticks the landing]

Getting older sucks. I’m half the Wii bowler I used to be

Even though I’m working, I will be giving out my favorite fruity candy this Halloween. It just melts in your mouth and people ask me for it all the time. It’s Zofran I’m giving Zofran

They didn’t explicitly tell us that Madame Blueberry had chronic bronchitis, but there were signs

I don’t think of wet dirt when I hear the phrase “mud piles”

I watch all online videos at 2x speed.

Another day, another accusation

My favorite thing to teach medical students is not how to manage critically ill patients, not any specific procedure, it’s not even how to order a CT scan. I love to show how emergency medicine can be a rewarding, fulfilling career. It’s not all doom and gloom and burnout

Some of the old times knee replacements are crank-to-start

Apparently I have done an incalculable amount of harm by calling the consulting team to consult on a patient for consulting services that they provide.

Neurologist: “even a toaster has a GCS of 3” Me: you’re not going to believe this

Oh, you think your life is hard? Back in undergrad, I had a professor take points off my scientific paper because I used the phrase “downstream effects”, and the reason he gave is that “we aren’t talking about a river”

The farmer in the ED during daylight hours getting ready to tell you the most insane story about how he lost a finger back in the day

“You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your friend’s nose” — Infectious Disease, probably