Michigan, USA
Joined August 2015
- Tweets57.7K
- Following4.2K
- Followers1.4K
- Likes149K
Madi retweeted
BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Democrats are planning to pass a bill called the Alex Pretti Act when they take over Congress in January that will end qualified immunity for ICE agents, allowing them to be sued or jailed for wrongdoing
Madi retweeted
For anyone wondering, this guy is a brand vendor. For the convenience of selling your product in their stores, companies like Red Barron tell places like Meijer “We ship our pizzas to your store, then we’ll send our own guy to come stock it.” 1/2
Madi retweeted
HR: Why have you been unemployed for two years?
Employee: I was taking care of my sick mother.
HR: So you sacrificed your career for someone who couldn’t pay your bills?
Employee: She’s my mother, not a business investment.
HR: This company needs serious people, not emotional people.
Employee: I understand.
HR: What’s your expected salary?
Employee: $6,000 monthly.
HR: Are you crazy? You’ve been unemployed for two years, and you want $6,000?
Employee: That’s what my experience is worth.
HR: Your experience is useless if nobody has employed you for two years.
Employee: Then why did your company contact me three times before this interview?
HR: Because our recruitment system made a mistake.
Employee: Your company contacted me, confirmed my qualifications, and paid for my flight. Now your system has made a mistake?
HR: Security! Take this man outside!
Employee: No problem. But please tell your CEO I attended the interview.
HR: He doesn’t have time for unemployed people!
Just then, the office door opened.
Madi retweeted
It's pretty insane to see a lot of men out there think it's okay to cheat on their wives nowadays.
No. It's not. At all. Just get a divorce.
Plus side: You can narrow down the dudes that would cheat on their wives with post/replies. 😂 Yes, keep calling yourselves out dipshits.
Madi retweeted
Just had an AT&T sales guy knock on my door while I'm loading 3 kids (under 5) into the car. I told him politely I don't have time. He asks when he can come back. I politely say I'm not interested. He rudely says "AT&T will keep sending people until you make time". I say, "take me off your list, because I'm not talking to the next guy that comes". He says "They won't actually take you off any list, I'll be back" and storms off.
Hey AT&T? Why don't you go FUCK YOURSELVES. Should have taken a picture of this asshole and got him fired.
Madi retweeted
My phone provider kept charging me $42 a month for a "device protection plan" 5 months after I cancelled it. I called, and the rep told me the plan "auto-renews itself" every 30 days unless I cancel again each month. I asked her to email me that policy. She said it's "not in any document, it's just how the billing works." So I told her...
I told her I'd be reporting all 5 charges to my credit card company before the end of the day, and that I'd also be submitting a complaint to the national consumer protection agency. Telling a customer to "keep cancelling every month" while collecting payment anyway sounds a lot like a practice, not an accident.
Suddenly she needed to "step away and speak to a manager."
Twelve minutes later: all 5 charges refunded, a total of $210 back on my card, the plan removed from my account for good, and a confirmation email in my inbox before I even hung up.
Funny how fast "it's just how the billing works" turns into "let me fix that for you."
Madi retweeted
Me: “Excuse me, but you're in my reserved seat, and your luggage is taking up the seats next to it.”
Woman: “We're traveling as a family. My children need to sit together, so you'll have to choose another seat.”
Me: “I reserved this seat weeks ago. Why should I be the one who moves?”
Woman: “Because I'm not going to split up my children just to make you happy.”
Another Passenger: “She has a reserved ticket. You can't take her seat.”
Woman: “This doesn't concern you.”
Me: “Fine. I'll ask the conductor to handle it.”
When the conductor arrived, the woman quickly began telling him her version of events.
Woman: “This passenger is trying to split up my family. We bought our tickets together, and now she's causing a scene.”
Conductor: “Let's keep this calm. May I see everyone's tickets?”
She gave him a stack of tickets. He compared the carriage numbers, then glanced at the sign over the doorway.
Conductor: “Madam, these tickets are for carriage seven. You're currently in carriage nine.”.....
Madi retweeted
Lily’s gunna have her own streaming time too
The Vanoss Crew is renting out a mansion in Miami for two weeks to film GTA 6 videos, and Rockstar have been asking about it.
“We have a good relationship with the guys from Rockstar, and they’ve already kind of asked,” Terroriser tells @GamesBeat.
“They know about the event that we’re doing, and they were messaging me the other day, just trying to get names of who’s going to be at the event.”
Madi retweeted
My eight-year-old daughter ended up in an ambulance during her first weekend with my ex-husband. His sister had spent months insisting her severe nut allergy was fake.
Piper's tree nut allergy was so serious that her school kept two epinephrine pens with her name on them. The previous year, she had needed hospital treatment after coming into contact with food contaminated by nuts.
But my ex-husband, Ryan, never fully accepted the diagnosis. His family believed I'd exaggerated Piper's condition to control him after our divorce.
His sister Kendra was the worst. She was a caterer who loved saying, “Kids today aren't allergic to everything. Their parents just want attention.”
Then Ryan filed for fifty-fifty custody.
His lawyer's paperwork described me as suffering from “overprotective maternal anxiety.” I was terrified that a judge might believe them, so I gathered Piper's allergy test results, hospital records, and her doctor's emergency action plan.
Before Ryan's first overnight visit, I handed him copies and made him read the instructions.
“I'm not an idiot, Natalie,” he snapped. “I know she can't eat nuts.”
“Kendra's cooking this weekend, isn't she?”
“She knows about the allergy.”
Kendra stood beside his car, smiling as Piper climbed into the back seat with her stuffed otter and emergency medication in her backpack.
“Don't worry,” she called. “I'll make sure she eats healthy!”
I watched them drive away, trying to convince myself that my daughter would be safe…..
Madi retweeted
My neighbor left a passive-aggressive note on my windshield last week saying "your car is visually offensive, wash it or park down the street." My car is a 2004 honda civic with a peeling clear coat, so fair enough, but the note was signed "- A Concerned Aestheticist."
so instead of washing it, i bought a $12 set of stick-on plastic eyelashes from amazon and put them on my headlights. Then I bought a giant magnetic mustache for the grille.
She saw it the next morning, lost her mind, stormed over, and threatened to call the HOA for "vehicular mockery." The HOA president actually showed up, looked at my car with the eyelashes fluttering gently in the breeze, looked at her, and said "there are currently no bylaws against a vehicle looking festive, Karen."
Now three other houses on my block have put eyelashes on their cars out of solidarity and my street looks like a Pixar movie having a collective stroke.
Madi retweeted
open the schools!!! no shit a conservationist wouldn't want to contribute to one of the most polluting industries in the world - FASHION
Madi retweeted
Yes, if you go to a busy commercial gym and film yourself acting like you’re getting f*cked, I’m going to light your ass up for it. Period.
Madi retweeted
A woman slapped the drink out of my hand.
It hit my shirt and ran down the front.
Everyone turned.
She pointed at me.
“You need to leave.”
I looked at her.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
The manager came over.
She didn’t wait.
“She’s been harassing my husband all night.”
I had never seen either of them before.
The manager looked at our table, then at me.
“I’m going to have to ask you to step outside.”
I didn’t move.
“This is my mother’s birthday dinner. I paid the deposit three months ago. You’re asking me to leave because a stranger just said that.”
The woman folded her arms.
“She’s refusing to go. That tells you enough.”
Then her husband stood up.
“That’s not true,” he said. “I’ve never seen her before.”
His wife turned on him.
“Then why have you been staring at her all night?”
He shook his head.
“I wasn’t staring at her. I was looking past her.”
“At who?”
He didn’t answer…..
Madi retweeted
The Sweetest Revenge.
When my son passed his driving test he proudly offered to play designated driver, picking me up after an evening out having drinks with friends.
On the drive back, I looked over from the passenger seat and pleaded, "Can we please stop at McDonald's for fries?"
Without missing a single beat, he gripped the wheel, looked straight ahead with ice in his veins, and said:
"I've been waiting sixteen years to say this: NO! We have food at home!"
🤣🤣🤣
Madi retweeted
I came home from work n found a handwritten sign taped to my garage.
“STOP PARKING HERE. THIS SPACE BELONGS TO US.”
The problem? It was my driveway.
I had lived in the house for six years. The next morning, my neighbor was standing outside when I left for work.
I asked him about the sign. He said, Your garage blocks the space we need for our second car.
I told him he could park on the street, He laughed. We've always used this area.
I pulled up the property survey from when I bought the house. The driveway was clearly on my property. He looked at it n said, That survey doesn't mean anything to me.
I didn't argue.
That evening, I installed a small security camera facing my driveway. Two nights later, I heard a loud bang outside. I checked the camera My neighbor had backed his......
Madi retweeted
There was a guy at petsmart who was objectively a 4 but when I heard the TEENIEST BABY MEOW in the carrier in his hands and he went “spooky, please, we talked about this” he instantly became an 8
