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lars

@MindBytes

This is my version of sarcastic font.

 in your head
Joined July 2011
  • Tweets6.8K
  • Following805
  • Followers3.5K
20Media
Photo by lars (@MindBytes)Photo by lars (@MindBytes)Photo by lars (@MindBytes)Photo by lars (@MindBytes)Photo by lars (@MindBytes)
I hope this email finds you in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume.
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"Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas." - The Three Wise Men
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What I love about American politics is the calm, gentle rational approach everyone has to it. The utter logic and intelligence. Awesome.
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my favorite holiday tradition is explaining the rules of a new board game my family never wanted to play in the first place
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Guys, I gotta run. I left the fire place video streaming.
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When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”
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When you die, your hoodies are redistributed to all of your exes.
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Curious George never asked one question. The lies are endless.
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One day you’re young and cool and the next thing you know you’re dusting your baseboards because people are coming over.
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Let's make this go viral! I’m so excited to announce that my first book, 'The Maguire Method' is now available for purchase. For those who have rocked with me for years or you’re new here, I’ve dedicated much of my life to providing creative inspiration, entrepreneurial support, and guidance when I can. Writing this book was the toughest and most heartfelt challenge I’ve accepted to date. This book is dedicated to anyone ready to claim their mental space and forge ahead in today’s age. This is a game-changing handbook and with your support, it’s an even bigger movement. So, get your hands on your copy today at a.co/d/2bqK9Cl & join a movement that celebrates growth, resilience, and the power of transformation for everyone.
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Wheel of fortune but to determine how much you owe in taxes.
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Friend: Have you been using that gym membership card I gave you for Christmas? Me: All the time! Just this morning I used it to scrape ice off my windows and yesterday I used it to cut a cake.
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Sorry I’m late, I was busy proving my existence to an automatic faucet again.
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Group assignments are important because that's where you learn that everybody else is an idiot and if you want a good grade, you have to do everything yourself. That was the lesson, right?
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I need a school spirit day that’s called My Parents Didn’t Read That Email.
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There are so many bots on here now, every time I gain a new follower I send them four photos and ask "which of these is a traffic light?" before I follow back.
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Resisting the urge to chant “chug chug chug” as my kid slowly sips his cough medicine
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Me: OMG my phone is at 60% and I have to go to the grocery store, I need a charger immediately My 13yo: My phone is at 5% and I’m about to scale Everest, later
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The computer you’re wearing on your wrist is not a watch. There, I said it.
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People born after 2000 will never understand the courage it took to call a childhood crush on a landline and then deal with a gatekeeper
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