Dear muslims: My family and I have decided to move from the U.S. to a muslim country, however we haven't picked one just yet- we're still comparing which one has the best to offer and has the best benefits package. All of my neighbors would like to come also, along with their neighbors and their neighbors' neighbors as well. I'll also be bringing my friends, all of their friends and their friends' friends as well. Millions of us will show up with suitcases and a sense of entitlement. As a very large Christian Community, we'll need a few small changes: Please start building churches for us immediately! Real churches with nice loud bells, the kind that will be able to be heard from town square. We'll also need for everyone to celebrate Christmas with us and to close certain streets once a year for our processions. We may want to gather to pray to our Almighty God, Jesus Christ on your streets, in your parks and on the lawns of your mosques. We'll be an oppressed minority, so you'll have to be understanding and adapt to our way of life. Every supermarket must stock real pork, ham, chorizo and bacon. We're bringing our dogs so we'll need plenty of dog parks and it would be best if you just smile and tolerate them as we walk them around your mosques and such. We also want to be sure that our beautiful women can go safely out alone in shorts with tank tops and such when the weather's nice. By the way, our men go top less as well in nice weather. We also enjoy drinking alcohol, dancing and placing occasional bets at the races. While we're at it, your religious holidays are a bit too much and they could offend the Christian Community, so we'd appreciate it if you'd discreetly eliminated them. Thanks. In schools and workplaces, our children and employees must be able to wear large crucifixes, say our prayers, eat ham sandwiches in the cafeteria and learn Christian principles without anyone getting criticized. We also demand Chapels and Christian Prayer Rooms in every building plus translators because we have no interest or intentions to learn the Arabic language. If any of this is rejected, please send a list of Police Station addresses so we can report you for discrimination, Christianophobia, racism or anything else we don't like. One more thing... If our kids protest or burn your flag for any reason, please be understanding. We'll be sure to give them a very serious scolding. Finally, we all will want very generous benefits with free housing, free food, free phones along with plenty of pocket money while we "integrate" over the next 3 generations. Working will also be optional for us, obviously. Just be patient, you'll get used to it. We thank you in advance for your tolerance and compassion. After all, diversity is our strength! Sincerely, A Very Reasonable Christian