Attention Young Women: I am surrounded by 20ish-year-old guys who want to date and get married. They are smart, capable, hard working and cute. They're hesitant to ask girls out or don't know where to find the good ones. If you are one of the good ones, here's what you need to do. Step 1: Change your expectations about how you'll meet. You might've built a story up in your head about the first look that resembles a plot line from Gilmore Girls. It won't happen like that, and your insistence that it be instantly Instagrammable is knocking a lot of good guys out of the dating pool. Step 2: Get fit. You don't need to be a size 4, but this generation of young men is serious about stewarding their bodies and they want a woman who cares for hers. Step 3: Grow your hair out (and don't dye it blue). It may sound superficial to you, but these young men want a girl who is feminine, and long locks are an indicator that you are. Step 4: Go clean your list. You are probably too selective about who you say yes to because you evaluate a coffee offer with the seriousness of a marriage proposal. So you say "no" when he asks for your number if he's an inch too short or three years too old, or does not yet make six figures, or wants to have a farm someday or doesn't want to have a farm someday. Ditch your list. As long as he does not creep you out, if he has the guts to ask you on a date, say yes. Step 5: Sign up for any event where you know like-minded guys will be. The local Young Republicans mixer, a hiking group, a lively singles youth night at church. If you're not seeing these guys, it's because you're not situating yourself where these guys are. Change your routine. Step 6: Get a gym membership and dress modestly. That not only accomplishes step two, but it puts you in regular contact with a lot of guys who are working to better themselves. But don't set a thirst trap. Stand out by wearing workout gear that draws attention to your face, not your cleavage. Step 7: When the guy who you see every Wednesday and Friday, who has given you pointers on better form for your RDLs, asks for your number, unless you genuinely feel unsafe, give it to him. Step 8: When he calls you two days later and asks you out for coffee or dinner, say yes. Even if you don't "like" him. This matters for two reasons. 1. You are conditioning him to initiate, and that will benefit you if you date long-term, or benefit other women he asks out in the future because you conditioned him to associate the risk of asking with the reward of a "yes." Hopefully some other girl is building up your future husband's confidence by saying yes when he asks her on a coffee date. 2. You don't actually know who you like. 50% of women marry a guy where there was no initial spark. They did not know they liked him until they saw him for a few weeks or a few months. Step 9: IMPORTANT - learn to flirt. That doesn't mean licking your lips suggestively or wearing a miniskirt. It means singling him out for attention. A guy is much more likely to ask you on a date if you've signaled that you will say yes. You do that by making eye contact, smiling at him, and responding to any small "bids" for connection. Step 10: He may not get all the dating etiquette exactly right that first time. He may not show up with flowers or open the door for you. But whatever he does that is commendable, notice it and thank him for it. A woman's greatest power is not bossing and directing, it is responding to and encouraging masculine energy in the right direction through sweetness and precise validation. Don't knock a sincere guy out of the running because he didn't execute a date perfectly. On the first date, the third, the fifth, you are evaluating for worldview alignment and character. Not elaborate planning for your night out. 1/2

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