Rob Stalkie

I love how people get upset when they find out famous actors and athletes got tested before us. Like you’re JUST finding out their lives are better than ours.

Tiger King really summed up 2016: Doc Antle = Trump Carole Baskin = Hillary Joe Exotic = Me after 3 Pinot Grigios

Friends in 2019: don’t get married! Friends in 2020: I’m so lonely! Me in 2021: you had some good points

Last night I saw a shooting star and wished for a cure for Corona. And last night...for a brief moment... I forgot that I have herpes.

If you’re feeling guilty about how much you drank or smoked last weekend, watch one episode of @ThePeakyBlinder and realize you’re doing just fine.

Comedy - if it was easy, everyone would be doin... never mind

Back in high school, a kid on a bicycle clipped me as he rode past on the sidewalk. I chased him down, stole his bike, and threw it off a bridge into the river. I think about doing this every day in NYC. #robrage

Thanks @NYCMayo for all the new speed cameras. Sure, the streets are paved with rat shit, the mentally ill have taken over the subway, and no one can afford to live anywhere, but you know what the real issue is? Traffic moves TOO FAST #NYCisdead #deblasiokilledit

How’s my career going? Boxing and comedy tonight and I’m not sure which one will cause more pain.

Thanks to ___kargus___ for this gem!! Some great albums from @sloanmusic the_whitestripes @thestrokes pavementtherockbandofficial and @deertickmusic . Anyone who knows me, knows my fave! What’s yours? #wallart… instagram.com/p/B8OlE4mA-9U/…

I know I’m getting worse as a human. 2nd time watching @arresteddev and now my favorite character is the mom.

Really looking forward to next episode of #TheOutsiderHBO... can’t tell if it’s because it’s a good show, or my life is just shitty

6/14 Montreal!! 6/15 Ottawa!! 6/16 Pembroke!! 6/17 Toronto!! Go to eventbrite for tickets!! And Raptors, for the love of Christ, please finish off this series so I can follow my dreams!! #montreal #ottawa #comedybar… instagram.com/p/ByoAe_Jgifm/…

Check this out tonight! instagram.com/p/BeGlnCklskq/

Thank god this dickhead tucked his phone into his hat so we could all listen to his shit music while he dozed off!!

hobokencomedy's photo instagram.com/p/BZT3XKaBiVT/… out to any or all of these fantastic shows. I'm on the 9/28 at 8 pm!