By decree of his excellency General George Washington, commander in chief of the Continental Army, on this July 4th, in honor of our Independence Day: Americans are to refrain from all blackpilling, squabbling, complaining and mogging (exceptions made for mogging Europeans). All good citizens shall be expected to be merry, patriotic, andof a general happy temperament. Criticism of size and quantity of fireworks displays, aircraft flyovers, and food and alcohol consumption shall not be accepted and offenders will be shot.