𝔻𝔼 𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗙𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗘𝗗 | 𝓟𝓛. 𝕄𝔽𝕆ℕ𝕀𝕊𝕆

NYSC done and dusted! Under the sun and in the rain! A pleasure serving Nigeria we move

Even if na Kano Pillars make Ronaldo try come Nigerian Premier League abeg, we go complete the 1000 goals before Christmas, cause wtf is that offside ?

I just scored a wonder goal now 49th goal of the year

My cousin visited this babe at a place called Atimbo in Calabar. She texted him to come over, eat and spend the night. They had been doing stuff together for about a month while my cousin was in Port Harcourt. So when he returned, she invited him over. He went. Which was a bad idea, because this is something all boys should know: YOU DON’T CRASH AT A WOMAN’S PLACE. According to him, they went down. Once. Twice. They finished and started chit chatting. My cousin lay down watching videos on his phone while she was having a snack. He dozed off and slept. His phone was still in his hand, unlocked, looping the same video. This bee+ch took my cousin’s phone and started weeding through it. She saw conversations with some chic who had also been asking him to come to her place the previous week. She landed a hard thunderbolt on his face, and he jumped out of sleep “So you’re going around every girl’s house in Calabar?” Now, she’s six years older than him. So naturally, she was very authoritative. “Babe, is that why you sla—?” He said he literally didn’t finish the question before she threw another slap straight into his face. He removed the curtain rod, and she picked up the oscillating standing fan. She threw that fan at him and missed. The fan broke. Then she screamed. The whole compound woke up. Everyone came outside. For context, Atimbo, as we heard, is a very rowdy part of town. Everybody is crazy. Being a victim of jungle justice in a place like this easily ends with a car tyre and plumes of petrol flame. She said he rayped her. My cousin’s hands were tied behind his back, and he was made to sit on the dirty ground. “You come dis area come raype this girl, abi?” Slaps. Punches. Then the vigilante boys arrived. By this time, my cousin was a pulp. They heard what had happened, picked him up, and called for the girl. She came out crying. “When did the boy raype you?” “Like one hour ago.” “How did it happen?” “He saw me two weeks ago and followed me in his car. That’s how he found my address. Today, he called me that he was outside. I told him to go. He said he just wants to say hi. I opened the door, and he pushed me inside the house and rayped me.” My cousin, barely hanging on for dear life, kept telling them: “Check my phone.” “Boss, check my phone.” They retrieved his phone from the rubble and he unlocked it with Face ID. He directed them to her chat. They saw over one month of deeply romantic conversations back and forth, plus promises of eating each other up in bed when they met. And then the recent conversation where she told him she had cooked fresh fish melon, and asked him to come over, eat and sleep. The vigilantes went into the kitchen. Truly, there was newly-made fresh fish melon, newly cooked. Two sets of plates, which they had eaten from, in the sink unwashed. They took pictures and videos. They brought my cousin inside and asked him to identify EVERYONE who beat him. He pointed out three people through the window. The guys quietly stepped outside and caught all three. Everyone else ran. By this time, our relations had arrived They told that bee+ch and the vigilantes that they were taking her to the hospital for the allegation of raype to be properly investigated. She drew the vigilantes into her room and said she didn’t want to go anywhere and begged them to help her. According to her, she was just angry that my cousin was talking to other girls. Read that again. SHE SAID SHE WAS ANGRY BECAUSE HE WAS TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS. My cousin's side has contacted the girl’s parents and their own lawyer. They have put together the evidence available, including screenshots, pictures, videos, voice recordings and other relevant material. The phone conversations, the invitation, the food, the circumstances of the incident, the injuries on the boy and the accounts of what happened are all part of the evidence being assembled. After reviewing the situation,

Any Deal for me?

Village people too but just the women

UPDATE ON THE DOG GIST. The guy was actually a customer. He ordered about three wigs worth over ₦600k, paid ₦400k upfront, and agreed to pay the outstanding ₦200k when I delivered the wigs to him personally so I could earn his trust and all the online shenanigans. Since I knew the area he directed me where he lived, I decided to handle the delivery myself. When I arrived, I met three giant dogs roaming freely around his compound. I called him and asked him to come out and restrain them so I could safely deliver his order. Instead, he told me to walk straight and not run because the dogs wouldn’t bite. I wasn't comfortable with that, so I turned around and left. What happened next was even more upsetting. He called me and accused me of being petty. He insisted that the dogs were just an excuse because I never wanted to deliver his order in the first place. He made me feel like I was being unserious over a business transaction simply because I refused to walk past three unrestrained dogs. I sell wigs for a living. I'm not ready to risk my life to prove that I'm serious about my business, of not my balance I would've sent my rider I got home, requested his account details, and refunded the ₦400k he had paid. I won’t mention his name or tag him. But honestly, it hurt that someone who trusted me enough to pay ₦400k for wigs could turn around and accuse me of being petty for prioritising my safety.

Universe I dropped it here!

“Now I don’t know what we did to God for Tinubu to become our President, oh God we are sorry” 😂😂😂

The first day I fixed solar in my house, I felt so powerful. When the lights, the AC and fridge came on at the same time, I almost had an orgasm 😀🤣 That night, I stayed up in my parlour watching my large television, even though I didn't have any interest in the movie I was watching 😒 I stayed awake till dawn. In the morning, I asked my domestic staff to go and pump our water with the solar. She said, "But ma, the tank is filled" I gave her the bombastic side eye 🧐 "My friend, go and do as I say. No be you go tell me how to enjoy my solar" Everyone in my household began to laugh 🤣🤣🤣 Wetin concern me? They can laugh all they want, I am celebrating my win. It took me two whole days to finally sleep after fixing my solar 😫 When I finally woke up after twelve hours of sleep, I permanently disconnected NEPA light forever. Very soon, PHED will become like NITEL and Water Board in Nigeria. Mark today's date.