The "temporary" account of the comedian, writer and broadcast formerly known as @TheSimonEvans, now living in exile.
I *still* do my poos in Hove.
Joined April 2026
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TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Finished!
Even if I had my life to live again, & spent all of it just reading novels, I doubt I could read as much as @PhilipHensher has read. Tremendously knowledgable, perceptive, companionable, and quite gloriously opinionated.
In short - as Micawber might say - recommended!
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Hard to countenance how passionately vitriolic Waugh would have been today, to see how the enemies he satirised mid-century have so gradually and so insidiously triumphed.
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Quand on ne connaît même pas la différence entre le Front National de la Résistance (mouvement communiste créé en 1941) et le Front National de Jean-Marie Le Pen (fondé en 1972), on s’abstient de taguer une plaque de résistant.
Ici, des cretins ont vu les mots « Front National », ont cru à de l’extrême droite, et ont vandalisé la mémoire d’un résistant communiste abattu par la Gestapo en 1944. C’est de l’ignorance pure.
le contexte est clair. Il n’y a rien d’ambigu. Ceux qui taguent ça montrent surtout qu’ils ne lisent pas (ou ne comprennent pas) ce qu’ils ont sous les yeux. Quand on est con, on est con…
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Everyone on PIP needs to take a long hard look at themselves in the mirror. If this guy can put a shift in what’s your excuse?
Looks like a great read. It’s a terrible irony though, both given his stage persona and this specific passage, that one feels a growing unease reading it, that the writer has indeed been possessed, by the demon of Silicon Valley.
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Even people who have been dead for thousands of years have their rights considered before women do in Scotland
🚨 EXCLUSIVE: Glasgow's Kelvingrove Museum has removed Egyptian mummies from display because there was no 'informed consent from the deceased individual'👇
mol.im/a/16227743
#Exclusive #Scotland #Glasgow #Museums #EgyptianMummies #Woke @MailOnlineScot
Far-called, our navies melt away;
On dune and headland sinks the fire:
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
Absolutely stunning essay by @DouglasKMurray about the crisis in France. It includes this quote.
thefp.com/p/douglas-murray-f…
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
“The Simpsons” was a beloved animated sitcom that ran for ten legendary seasons and concluded in 1999. The show was celebrated for what was widely perceived as a near perfect run that wrapped before it wore out its concept and overstayed its welcome.
Creator Matt Groening and showrunner James L. Brooks famously decided to bring the show to a conclusion after experiencing the negative audience reaction to the season 9 episode “The Principal and the Pauper,” in which it was revealed that the school’s principal was actually an impostor who had stolen the real Seymour Skinner’s identity. Brooks did not want to sully the show’s legacy by doing a bunch of weird episodes as the franchise slid into mediocrity and cultural irrelevance, so the writers and cast decided instead to go out on top and end things on a high note.
However, because of its centrality in 90s pop culture, a long-running Internet joke is to pretend “The Simpsons” is still on the air, a premise that gets more absurd and deranged with each passing year. If this show were still producing new episodes, it would be in its 38th season now, and most of the voice cast would be in their 80s.
The joke is to imagine how distorted this charming show would have become if it had been stretched out to more than 800 episodes. Comedy posters on “weird Twitter” used to try to top each other by making up terrible ideas for what modern episodes of the show might be like.
For example, a viral 2012 tweet imagined an episode where Lady Gaga helps Lisa Simpson with her self esteem. In 2019, popular shitposter Megan Amram originated the premise of Bart Simpson becoming a men’s rights activist to protest a gender-swapped reboot of “Itchy and Scratchy.”
But perhaps the most elaborate Internet “Simpsons” joke was a 2017 YouTube mockumentary “The Problem With Apu,” in which the comedian Hari Kondabolu ironically pretended to be offended by the charming and innocuous convenience store owner character Apu.
Everyone thought this was hilarious, especially since the show had been off the air for nearly two decades when the mockumentary was released. So, Twitter ran with the joke by pretending to “cancel” Apu, and the viral gag memorably resulted in the character’s voice actor, Hank Azaria, recognizing the meme by promising never to perform the character again, which everybody thought was really funny since Azaria had been retired for years.
Now, nearly a decade later, fans are pretending that the show — which has now been off the air longer than most people tweeting about it have been alive— has brought back the “cancelled” character with a new racially-appropriate voice actor.
I actually don’t think this is that funny, and I kind of think the gag of pretending “The Simpsons” is still airing new episodes has overstayed its welcome, a mistake the actual show “The Simpsons” would never have made.
If you haven’t seen this 1990s classic, which — and I cannot emphasize this enough — ended after 10 seasons in 1999, you can watch all the episodes on Disney+ (except the one with Michael Jackson that got pulled from streaming).
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Aline started working at age 12.
Over the next three decades she built La Barrique, a restaurant in Paris’s 10th arrondissement, from scratch. She cooked, served, and became part of the neighborhood.
On October 17, rioters broke in, destroyed the place, punched her in the face, and set the building on fire.
By morning her restaurant was ashes. 34 years of work, vaporized in a single night.
Obviously, Aline is an immigrant, one who went to work every day, contributed to the economy and served her community.
One of liberalism's fatal flaws is the fear of drawing distinctions. Distinctions between men and women. Distinctions between cultures. Distinctions between countries.
Because apparently noticing any differences means that you are violating your commitment to equality; it means that you are discriminating, and in the hierarchy of evils in the liberal world, there is no worse sin.
This is literally baked in to the French national motto:
Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité
Égalité means equality, specifically social or political equality.
Which means that drawing any distinctions is the same as discrimination.
But this is completely untethered from reality because these distinctions are REAL. And if you craft and enact policies that ignore these distinctions, the chickens (ok since this is France, the Gallic rooster) will come home to roost.
TheSimonEvansX retweeted
Sensational. 10/10 no notes.
Your name is Jean-Marc, you’re 46, and you run a video game and collectibles shop in Nice, wedged between an optician and a real estate agency selling 1-bed flats for €410,000 “with sea view” if you lean far enough off the balcony.
You know every GTA San Andreas cheat by heart. You tested all of them in 2005 on the PS2 in your bedroom at your mum’s place.
You opened in 2011 with a state-backed loan at 4.7%, and the naive belief that passion eventually pays.
It did pay, sort of. €1,900 a month in a good year, after the French tax office has eaten first, second and third. Your commercial rent is indexed on a formula nobody in the Republic actually understands.
You sell Funko Pops at €17.99, sealed Pokémon cards, refurbished controllers. You let little Enzo, 12, pay in installments because he’s saving for a Switch 2. You close at 7:30pm and walk home because the harbor parking is €3.40 an hour.
Saturday, there’s a protest “against the cost of living.”
You also think living costs too much. You almost went.
At 5:12pm, your metal shutter gets ripped open with a crowbar.
Forty teenagers in tracksuits and crossbody bags walk into your shop like it’s a bonus level. They take the PS5s, the Dragon Ball figures, the till with today’s €280 and even the box of paper bags that say “thank you for your visit.”
A guy in a floral shirt films it vertically for TikTok.
You step outside and say “stop, this is my shop.”
You get hit from behind.
Then rocks.
They laugh. Floral shirt guy is thrilled: good angle, good lighting.
Sunday morning, the police tell you there are “1,400 arrests nationwide” and they won’t send a squad for some Funko Pops. Filing the complaint takes 2 hours 40. The officer types with two fingers on Windows 7.
Monday noon, your insurer reminds you that your €1,140-a-year policy has a €3,000 deductible and a “riots and civil commotion” exclusion on page 31, font size 6.
Saturday night, an MP explains on TV that “the anger is legitimate” and we “shouldn’t cry over shop windows.” He’s never owned a shop window. He has a state-funded apartment.
Sunday, your limited edition Vegeta figures show up on Vinted. “Brand new, never opened, €39, pickup in North Nice.”
The seller has 4.9 stars.
Monday, the tax office emails you. They haven’t heard about the riots. They’ve heard about your payment deadline.
You did everything right, Jean-Marc. That was never the problem.
The problem is you were playing by the rules in a lobby where nobody else does.
So stop believing in the State. It’s not coming to save you. It’s coming to collect.
Stop voting. Every five years they hand you the controller, and it’s never plugged in.
Go to the gym. Not for revenge. For you. Because when the system folds, the only asset nobody can loot is the one you built under a barbell.
And make money they can’t see. Cash, side hustles, sats on a cold wallet in a sock drawer. Not your keys, not your coins. Not your shop, not your loss.
Fuck the system, Jean-Marc.
It already did it to you first.
Incomparably the master of resonant paradox. Wilde could create beautiful confections but they are generally concerned with things artificial themselves. Manners, propriety. Chesterton’s last like strong spirits.
