Col

My smoke detector protects me from fire, carbon monoxide and toast.

“I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” Unknown

I always eat the broken up biscuits first because I feel sorry for them.

I saw a sign the other day outside a women's toilet that said, 'No Balls in Women's Stalls'.

With these self driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before there's a country song about how even your truck left you.

“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” Ellen DeGeneres

If my mum was still alive I'd ask her if that 'slap me into next year' is still available.

At the museum I asked if I could take any pictures. They said "No they all stay on the walls."

I avoid Real Life people like the plague..... Which is pretty much what THEY do when they see me coming.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” Mark Twain

I'm starting a petition to have Monday arrive on Wednesday.