growth mindset • connection wizard • Circling, group facilitator • communication geek • emotional fluency • self actualization • analog photographer • dad • hi!
Bay Area and Sacramento, CA
Joined April 2025
- Tweets7.1K
- Following782
- Followers917
- Likes14.4K
Pinned Tweet
Periodic reminder that my dream job is to be the in-house spiritual advisor, conflict mediator, mindset maintainer and nervous system regulator for a startup in exchange for equity. I'm dead serious, this is what I'm built for, if you know a founder who needs this connect us
The degree to which I’m going to not just want but be eager to transmute someone’s relational shortcomings—quick to get angry, say things they’ll regret later, project, misattunement etc—is proportional to the degree I’ve decided I love them or it’s a connection worth investing
I'm now understanding why people often amend their usernames on here with something like (IS WRITING THE ESSAY) because it creates an expectation in others' minds of a tangible result, about which you now feel a heightened sense of pressure to deliver, which incentivizes process
Pro tip, if you're in LA, Cafe Mak is the coziest most awesome place for studying, working, cute dates and friend hangs, etc, they're open til midnight every night, full beverage menu, a handful of cafe-type dishes (including kimchi carbonara???). I come here every time I'm down
occam’s river retweeted
Once you start to see the news as loosh harvesting and people as hooked on giving up their loosh for free, everything changes
Isn’t it interesting how
• anxious attachment is more of a dealbreaker in the early stages of dating, a deterrent to attraction even forming;
whereas
• avoidance is an obstacle that emerges further, when you’ve established you have a solid self but relationally is now the hinge
“Fault” is the wrong word & frame to use here. Responsibility is better. Because it isn’t pointing the finger at how the pattern got installed; it’s installing agency where it belongs, in the person who was saddled with extraordinary challenges & now it’s up to them to meet them
Matthew Perry breaks down in tears explaining the most painful realization he had about his castmates on Friends.
“I was placed in some kind of spiritual guy’s office, and as we were done talking, he turned me around and said, ‘Just remember, it’s not your fault.’ I went, ‘What?’ He said it’s not your fault.
I said, ‘What do you mean it’s not my fault, I’m the one who’s doing it.’ And he explained addiction and alcohol to me. And he saved my life. Because I then knew that it wasn’t my fault, that I wasn’t weaker, it wasn’t my will that was screwed up. It was that I have this disease. The thing that always makes me cry… is that it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I had to go through this disease while the other five didn’t. They got everything that I got, but I had to fight this thing.
Everyone knows about BPD but too few people talk about the phenomenology of the very specific kinds of person who are compelled (often subconsciously) to be in relationship with those with BPD
Hey here's a fun thing I just had Claude generate for me. I should probably save it & turn it into an actual essay but whatever, I just want people to check it out. I came up with a framework for 8 types of personal inner darkness; 8 archetypes, corresponding with the 4 elements
Request for help: my family has a very sweet old girl that needs a home for four months, November through February, anywhere in Northern Cali (I’ll drive her). Looking for either a home that already has chickens or one with a yard and an enclosure she could go inside each night
occam’s river retweeted
I think it’s really useful/helpful to have a wide range of depth that youre willing/able to meet people
Ideally as close to the surface and as close to the core are extremes you can both freely wade between;
Not being stuck in being very deep or very shallow but always free
occam’s river retweeted
A good heuristic is that if you cannot be curious about a person or group of people, and immediately start judging them, then you have some shadow stuff about them. (this also happens with ourselves) (but also, everyone judges to some degree bc our world is far too complex)
My favorite quote from Quincy Jones which I reference constantly: “You have to make something that turns you on, because if you get turned on, you got a chance of somebody else getting turned on”
occam’s river retweeted
Rats that went through a stress they couldn't escape stopped trying to escape, even after a way out opened up. Seligman called it learned helplessness in 1967.
What is often overlooked, blood T3 fell, and giving thyroid hormone before the stress prevented it. Ray Peat also noted the rats could be "immunized" by first letting them succeed at a similar task.
Helplessness shows up in the body's chemistry, and small victories guard against it.
Reach out, lot of people just need a small push or win.
Full article below.
In any given interaction, dynamic, or connection, the one who wants, needs, expects more from the other inherently has less leverage (which is why all of the aforementioned function optimally when either both parties are reciprocal OR when this premise is acknowledged/respected)