This is serious, mum.
London/Waipu
Joined April 2011
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- Following281
- Followers8K
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Pinned Tweet
I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band.
I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.
Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) retweeted
I posted “i am the first man in my bloodline to jack off in an Arby’s” on facebook and my uncle replied “not true.”
Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) retweeted
Can't afford Apple iPhone Headphones? Hellmann's Squeezy Mayonnaise makes an excellent cheap alternative.
Poe, a pilot, a rebel pilot,
Rey, a Jedi with no mum,
Darth, a name, he calls himself,
12 Parsecs, a long long way to run
Solo, shot Greedo in the head,
Leia, a dote to follow Solo,
Luke, the 5th pilot in Team Red,
And that will bring us back to Poe!
Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) retweeted
I saw Daniel Day Lewis in my local supermarket today. He kept saying he was ‘an elderly woman’ and to ‘leave me alone’ but I knew it was him. Such a great actor.
Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) retweeted
"Welcome to Exclamation Mark Overusers Anonymous!"
'Hello!! I'm Mark and I have a problem!!!!!!!"
[whole group] "Hi Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dentist: “Open wide… wider…. wiiiderr”
Me: [opening my wallet as far as I can so he can reach in and take all my money]
Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) retweeted
I lerved Herve Leger as the Jerker in Bertmern. RIP. Gern too sern.
Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) retweeted
I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band.
I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.
