Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) profile picture

Cooper Lawrence

@CooperLawrence

Multiple Gracie Award Winning Radio Host TV chick @sunriseon7 84th @goldenglobes voter Published Author, Irritant

 USA
cooperlawrence.com/
Joined February 2009
  • Tweets28.2K
  • Following10.7K
  • Followers13.1K
Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough
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Vampire (hovering): prepare to be drained Me: oh my god are you gonna bite me? Vampire: bite you? eww no, I need you to like and subscribe to my youtube channel Me: wait aren’t you Vlad the Impaler? Vampire: no that’s my cousin I’m Vlog
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I‘m going as Amelia Earhart to our Halloween office party by just not showing up.
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
mariana Z (@mariana057) profile picture
mariana Z
@mariana057Oct 29
Do not wear your AirPods while you're vacuuming. I just finished the whole house and realized I forgot to plug it in.
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Functionally Feral (@FeralFerrell) profile picture
Functionally Feral@FeralFerrellOct 28
are we friends yet or do I need to like more of your posts?
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Them: it’s nice to meet you Me: that’s because you don’t know me
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Sophie2078 (@Sophie2078) profile picture
Sophie2078
@Sophie2078Oct 28
I miss when technology was supposed to make everything simpler instead of giving every appliance an app.
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Our dogs are named Cartier and Rolex. They’re watch dogs
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Fuckin’ Princess (@8WithaTiara) profile picture
Fuckin’ Princess
@8WithaTiaraOct 27
Procrastination has a good side, you always have something to do tomorrow, plus you have nothing to do today.
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) profile picture
Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 26
A haunted house but it’s full of people on speakerphone.
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) profile picture
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 24
If you’re going to patronize me, at least slowly explain what that means.
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Anyone know how to dress for a low of 37 and a high of 84?
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It’s awesome being Gen X. We have no gray areas we are either vegans or meth addicts
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I revealed myself to be Gen X when I said I was “on a diet” rather than saying I was “protein maxxing”
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) profile picture
Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 20
Not to brag but I was alive when our phones never left the house
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
K Squared (@thatdentaldude) profile picture
K Squared@thatdentaldudeOct 20
Luke Warm would be a sick name for a meteorologist.
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I’m like if a girl was your ex boyfriend
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) profile picture
Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 19
Welcome to tonight’s episode of So You Think You Can Sleep.
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If by “working like a dog” you mean napping on the couch for hours until you hear someone open the cheese drawer, then yes, I’ve been working like a dog
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
John Bechard (@JohnBechard) profile picture
John Bechard
@JohnBechardSep 6
Twitter: Where introverts go to extrovert.
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Cooper Lawrence retweeted
mariana Z (@mariana057) profile picture
mariana Z
@mariana057Oct 18
I bought a dog from IKEA…
Image from mariana Z (@mariana057)
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