Todd Riley (@comedytodd) header
Todd Riley (@comedytodd) profile picture

--Ohio Dude, Part Time Idiot, "Stand-Up" Guy, Couch Enthusiast, Sometimes I'm Still Funny, Parlay Degen, Sports Are my Reality TV--

Joined May 2013
Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)Photo by Todd Riley (@comedytodd)
Just remember that somewhere out there your "life coach" is probably getting hammered on espresso martinis and knee deep in anxiety meds. Long story short, you are fine....just keep going.
41
Todd Riley retweeted
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was getting rid of all the Quiznos.
105
154
14
2,370
79,723
Writing no like tweets just to feel alive
3
19
433
This is the time of the year where NFL analysts will try and tell you its gonna be like Chicago & Jacksonville in the SuperBowl but it probably will just end up being Niners vs Chiefs. Or the same ole squads.
70
Its a weird time to be alive, even smoke alarms are more sensitive.
69
Apparently I went at this charcuterie board like Bad Santa and the advent calendar last night.
59
I know I miscalculate a LOT but I truly thought LeBron would have a better game in Cleveland.
81
Haha..
I had a dream that George Carlin was telling everyone not to wear Wrangler jeans because they had chemicals in them that would leach into our skin.
74
Nicki Minaj is the Drake of betting on politicians.
2
79
This dude who's hat is causing a reverse mullet just housed a box of fried chicken and is now passed out snoring in the dealership waiting room. --We live different lives--
87
Lets go!!
MLB Network's Intentional Talk will not be discontinued after all, per @AndrewMarchand Just over two weeks after the show's hosts announced it would be ending, Rob Manfred and other executives have reversed the decision
56
You want me to put my Christmas tree up?! Please. I'm still recovering from finding out Kurt Cobain once dressed up like Barney.
2
109
Runnin errands blastin Hootie Pandora today in case you thought I wasnt sexy enough.
78
Thai Potsticker soup today homies. Instagram is leading the league in recipes.
93
Alright ChatGPT, what should I eat.
81
How bout you pick the the one week where the clocks go back to NOT have a 9:30AM...Game. #NFL
86
Enjoy your breakfast candy today.
1
57
Friendly Reminder:
I don’t know who needs to hear this BUT please don’t do Black Face tonight. Enjoy.
76
Wait. Who's in charge of the masks in "Heist Movies?!" Feel like today is their day.
68
Great news guys. That little extra pocket in my pants is now used for immodium.
1
2
126